Saturday, January 18, 2014

MIA too long...

So I have been MIA for a bit. Not sure what is going on. Post holidays, life's issues, winter months. Just overwhelmed with "things" in general. I have continued to read with interest the various blogs I follow. I have been encouraged to read that others of you feel the same way that I have.

Cole with "Marriage Redefined " put things so well with yesterday's post regarding her perception of "floating" "sailing" and finally "soaring" This post is so me as well. This is one reason I so appreciate "blogland." It helps to have validation with similar feelings. I often struggle trying to get my thoughts together for a decent blog that would perhaps be of interest and or help to someone else.

So today... things quickly came to a head. I woke up in a very bad mood. I have been exhausted and desperately needing sleep. I was cranky, irritable and just felt way out of sorts. Hubby asked me what was wrong. I just said I am not myself and feel that things are getting out of control overall. He was quiet and said " come over here and snuggle a bit"  I did, and yes this was comforting but I could feel myself rapidly going down to a very dark place. We have a busy day and night ahead and I knew that it was going to be ugly.

Suddenly, he said "turn over, I want you up here," meaning closer to the headboard. I did as I was told, not fully engaged in what he was actually saying or what was about to occur. He proceeded to start spanking and this set me on fire. I could feel myself becomming angry. I told him this wasn't necessary. He handed me my pillow and told me to hold it tight because I was going to need it. He proceeded with the spanking, I repeated that I did not need this at which point he said " I'm not asking you what you need, I am giving you what you need, don't move away from me again" He continued to spank and each strike that landed got harder and harder. I could feel the tears building up as I fought not to cry. I kept wanting to move away, and even kicked my feet in frustration not at all understanding my feelings in the moment. Regardless of what I said or did, he just kept spanking harder and harder until my bottom felt like it was on fire. He would ask me if I was feeling better yet, but I would guess my responses didn't match up with what he was observing and so the spanking continued. I could feel the tension starting to release and felt myself settling into him. He knew I was worried with work related issues. He continued to spank and.. told me exactly how I was going to proceed. No more work for the weekend. I was to do what he said, did I understand? I was not quick with my response. He asked if he needed to take the strap out to make his point. I quickly said no. Good he said. He continued to spank. The tears were silently flowing. I could "hear" what he was saying and it mattered.

Finally he asked " are you back with me yet?" I was back and starting to feel reconnected and I let him know. He said he could tell, but to make sure I was where I needed to be, he would spank longer. So he did just that. He spanked even harder until I felt all the tension, concerns and worries melt away. He then rubbed my back, and I rested quietly, feeling the heat and burn of his touch on my bottom. I was back, reconnected and focused. I no longer felt lost. I thanked him for taking care of me and loving me. He simply said" your welcome, that's what I am here for, that's what I do."

So, that was my Saturday morning. Once again, all is right in my world. I am thankful for this man of mine.

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