Friday, November 18, 2016

Thankfulness & Gratitude and I am on a mission.....

 So before too much more time gets away and we are all caught up with our family and friends for the Thanksgiving holidays, I would like to take this time to say a very special thank you to each one of you here in blog land for the kindness and support you have shown me this past year despite the many up's and downs. Know that I wish all of you safe travels and time spent with your family and friends that will bring you joy, laughter and fun. Thanksgiving often turns our hearts towards a spirit of gratitude.
I do find that when I spend more time reflecting on the things I am truly grateful for in my life, my attitude definitely changes and I have a softer approach and outlook in my life. That should include Sir as well. So this Thanksgiving, I am going to set aside some time to write down all the many things I am thankful for and grateful for in having Sir as my husband for 40 years. I am hopeful in doing so it will soften my heart, quite my mind down and help me to prepare myself for active communication that I am hopeful will occur and I can do so with active listening skills.

Are you listening to me? Do you hear what I am saying?

So I saw this quote and it hit home with me. How often has Sir said to me that he does not like or
appreciate my "tone?" Well now that I think about it, he says this nearly every conversation. I think in my haste to be heard I just talk right over him which must have to sound disrespectful and most likely he in fact tunes me out which is why I never feel heard. So.. in order to begin to see change it is I that needs to initiate the change beginning with my approach. Here is where I sure could use some feedback from any of you that find yourselves in a similar situation. How do you approach your partner when you have something of significance on your mind so that they are willing to take the time to sit down and hear you out? How do you keep things from spiraling out of control?

So for the most part, I feel my husband is a good leader, sometimes I don't see it until way after the fact, but more often than not he is right in his decisions. I saw this quote and I really want to reflect on this a bit longer. "The part about even if he is not leading the way I want him to".... Guilty as charged here ladies. I think I don't often give him enough credit for just being him, whether or not I am in agreement. That can't be good for his morale. I need to spend more time building him up than trying to get my own way. That will take time to practice and execute for sure.

So this Thanksgiving, I want to focus on all the things I am truly grateful for with Sir. The things he does are truly amazing to me, and they do make my heart happy and full. I want to learn to be appreciative where we are in the moment. But.. I do want him to hear how much better I think things can be for us both if we are truly following a TTWD lifestyle. Perhaps, I will just simply ask him what he thinks TTWD looks like to him, put duct tape across my mouth if I have to in order to let him say what he needs to say and I need to fully listen. Perhaps in doing so I will actually gain some insight as to where we are and where we might be heading.

I am hopeful in the end, we will look more like this, closer together with a much clearer understanding of where we are and where we are headed. Stay tuned.. I will fill you in on how this goes after Thanksgiving.

LOL 2016

Calling all Lurkers.... I was once a lurker and did so for many months before reaching out to a blogger and developed a friendship that I did not expect. Finally after much encouragement, I decided
to develop my own blog sight if nothing more than to document my journey on TTWD.

Are you lurking around out there? If so, come on in and pull up a chair and let's get to know a bit about one another. It is a great way to break the ice, dip your toe in and see how you feel about perhaps opening up to others that have and are going through some of the very same issues you may be going through.

I have shared before that many a friendships are found here in blogland, non-judgmental, open, honest and supportive feedback. While there are at times some tears and frustrations here, more often than not, there is fun and laughter as we help each other through the good and difficult times.

So feel free to leave a comment or two, let me get to know you, or if you still prefer to remain anonymous that is perfectly fine too.

Thanks for stopping by my sight. I hope you have found some of the postings here helpful to you.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

New look, New changes, New life

A very big thank you to all of you that responded to yesterday's post. What a difference a day can make.
I made a decision to try to freshen up my blog site and at the same time after visiting some of your
sites again, I was able to delete some very old blogs that actually were no longer active and I believe
I was able to update my blog roll with current bloggers that should make things a bit easier moving
So with that, please pull up a chair and stay awhile won't you?
 So what I really wish is that I could have friendships in this lifestyle that really were like being in real life time. I would love to have one or more of you over to pull up a chair and sit down and talk
about TTWD over coffee, tea or a cappuccino whichever you prefer.
I love all of these warm drinks particularly at this time of the year. I find them very comforting.
This is how I imagine myself looking these days. Alone, thinking things over in my head about TTWD and are Sir and I really doing TTWD? Or.. are we just doing what we have always done throughout our lifetime. Does it really matter or not? Well apparently somewhere deep down inside of me it does matter. Why is it so important for me to "define" TTWD? That's a challenging question at best. If you were to ask Sir about this process, he see's no issues at all, and is just fine with how things are going although he would appreciate a bit more cooperation from me particularly in my conversations, my tone, & my argumentative attitude. Ok. I can accept that statement. But.. I thought that  is what TTWD really was about, to help alleviate those things that your partner could do without right? In our home we have never set boundaries or rules per se... Sir just takes action as he see's fit and sometimes for no apparent reason other than the fact "he can" as I was told last night.
Me... I need discussions, boundaries, rules and consequences in order to improve. Clearly we have differences of opinion on how TTWD works for us. Sir tells me I "overthink" things way too much for his liking. Inside my head I think and feel that he just doesn't want to talk things out in the same way I do. Is it worth it to rock the boat and try to get Sir to see things from my perspective? Not sure about that one right now.

So I constantly feel I am being pulled this way, or that way or another way whenever I read about TTWD in general, or even when I read blogs from all of you. I do my best to not compare but reality is I do. And in doing so, I feel less confident each day that Sir and I have a TTWD relationship.
Just admitting that alone brings me sadness. Now don't misunderstand me here.. Spankings in our household have been going on for a very long time. GG spankings, playful spankings, erotic spankings, extremely rare if ever are discipline spankings. I should be grateful right? At least Sir has always been willing to deliver on the much needed and deeply craved spanking part regardless of the reasons. But here in lies the issue I believe. My mind has not accepted that Sir is ok with this as things are, but I, on the other hand, feels there has to be more to TTWD. Sadly, I believe it is the lack of communication that we do not have with regards to this issue. I feel if I were to persist in trying to get my thoughts across, it would push Sir away and we might lose what we already have. I am not certain if I am getting my thoughts out here in a way that any of you can relate to, but I am doing my best.
I saw this quote today, and I think it sums things up from my perspective. I am not a very good listener and am always thinking of what I am going to say to Sir whenever he is speaking to me.
It is not a good quality to have hence I believe is the reason we can find ourselves in a heated argument in 2.5 seconds or less over the simplest of things. Maybe it is because I don't care to understand Sir's side of a situation whether he is right or wrong. I simply want to be heard.
It certainly would be more courteous of me to at least truly listen and try to understand Sir's thoughts, before responding. Maybe, just maybe that is the starting point for us.
 So I then saw this quote that spoke to me. Perhaps in the desire and attempt to change TTWD for us, so that it is more effective and meaningful for us both but particularly me, I need to go within my heart and find out why TTWD is so important to me, what is it that I want from a TTWD lifestyle besides the spanking part.. ok that was hard to admit but it is what it is ladies. I think to answer that question will take a bit more reflection. So perhaps I will save that for my next post.

Getting back into the swing of things here in blogland, I am reminded by many that this weekend is this year's.....
And so...  welcome.. any and all new and old bloggers to stop by and say a quick hello if you wish.
This blogland thing is often challenging, but what it really is.. is an opportunity to make new friends with others who have the same fears, concerns and questions about TTWD. While there are occasional tears and frustration shared here, more often than not, there is fun, and laughter found here and a sense of belonging. I invite you to pull up a chair here and feel free to leave a comment if you wish. I would welcome the opportunity to meet new bloggers or just answer a question or two if you would like. Until next time... I am truly thankful for my blogland friends. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where my steps lead me.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Feeling Lost.

So... I will keep this post short. I feel lost. I feel disconnected. So many bloggers have left, some new one's have arrived. I apparently do not know where to find a "current listing" of all of our bloggers
and so there are some that I would like to follow but don't know how to reach them anymore.

I feel my own blog has dropped off the planet and I certainly can understand why due to the infrequency of my writing. I just am not certain I really have anything much to offer or that anyone
is really reading anymore.

I started blogging initially to help me sort through all of my feelings after discovering TTWD.
Amazingly, I found a great group of ladies that were supportive and I felt like I belonged. Many shared good feedback and support. Some of those folks are now gone and I miss the friendship found

I am sorta stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to share if anyone is interested , but then again it's kinda  like taking baby steps backward in time and I am nervous with so many new bloggers here that I need to get to know.

So while I know it has been said in the past that we should not promote our own blog, I would like to put it out there, if anyone is willing to provide me with your blogging site info, I would welcome a list so that I can clean up my current listing that I think is old and start afresh. Anyone interested
in helping me start a clean slate?