Saturday, June 27, 2015

Take a Memo he says.....

So sir suddenly says.... Take a memo to yourself. 

What about I asked as I hurried about my business. He says "Oh you know" No, no I don't. Or do I?
I had woken up quite grumpy Friday morning and my mood did not improve as the day went on. By the time we were working together at our business, apparently I had snapped one time too many to his various requests. I was not respectful or at all nice in my responses and..... I was not at all slowing down to even give him my full undivided attention.
So.... sir says the memo should say this. You. Me. My hand, your ass, my belt, message to be delivered. Well... what does one say to that? Except.....
Hummmm. I guess someone needs an attitude adjustment.  I am guessing that someone is me.
Good grief. Will I ever learn?
It's a hot one here for us this weekend. I am guessing my rear end is about to be heated up as well.
Hopefully my stubbornness and pride will give in and I will listen up and settle down. We will see.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Thank goodness for friends and....I have attitude issues. Who me?

Before I start rambling off here, let me extend a heartfelt thank you to all of my blog land friends for taking the time to read and respond to my last post. While the issues I am dealing with at present are not the worst, they have been difficult and challenging at best and I am truly thankful and appreciative of all the support I have received.  Friends tell it like it is. They feed your soul. They nourish your mind and fill your heart with love. Thank goodness for friends.                                                                    

This is how I feel right now. I feel small and am doing my best to act in the expected big girl way. Only problem is.. I don't feel like it.

 This is EXACTLY how I am acting and I don't give a darn well except when the big guy gives me a look. You all know THE look. The one that says I am rapidly approaching a date with the paddle over his lap. Even then..I am pushing boundaries, spiraling out of control. I can't seem to stop myself even if I do know there will be consequences.

I just feel totally and completely frustrated and like I want to just explode. I can't even exactly put my finger on it, I just know that I am about to find myself in some serious trouble with the big guy if I don't get my act together. Between us girls.. I don't care. Well maybe I do just a bit.
So, by now, most of you can tell I am having attitude issues. I know if I recognize this in myself, I am certain everyone around me including the big guy can tell I am having issues. 
So, we all know we have choices every day in how things are going to go. Good day or bad day? The choice is all up to us. My problem? I can't even make an intelligent choice because I am currently in a "I don't give a darn" attitude. The big guy has advised me he has had just about enough and plans to take appropriate necessary action real quick. 
So.... if you are a bad little girl, you can be darn sure that you are going to get just exactly what you deserve. 
So.... this is where I will be finding myself very soon. Perhaps the big guy knows just exactly how to readjust my attitude. 
I am guessing that love, peace and harmony will be restored to my world which in turn will make the big guy oh so very happy. I told him thank you even before this planned event happens this evening. He said.. your most welcome little lady. Whatever it takes and however I can help., I am more than willing to do for you. I am here for you, Just remember that tonight when we are holding a much different conversation. I will do my best. After all, he knows what is best right?


Monday, June 1, 2015

To love, honor and obey, in sickness and in health, or be prepared to pay the price......

Goodness, when I last posted it was still spring with occasional snow flurries and now we are headed right into summer. I have a confession to make to most of you, that while I was not posting, I was still reading or maybe I had reverted back to official lurking. Trying to stay connected but yet felt disconnected all at the same time. Life for most of you has been moving ahead as it should, but for me I have had an issue that has been personal to me and it has taken me awhile to decide if I wanted to share this with all of you. At the urging of a good friend, I have decided to take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other and begin to post again if nothing else but to sort through my own thoughts and feelings and if it is helpful to one person than I am honored.
We will soon be celebrating 39 years of marriage in August of this year. Just enough time to have gone by that our wedding vows are nearly a distant memory, so much so, I can not actually recall if I promised to obey. I do distinctly remember the love, honor and cherish part.. so romantic at the time. I also recall in sickness and health but gosh at that time I equated that to old age and figured that was part of the deal right? Till death do us part was just something I never wanted to think about all together. How immature was I then when I said these vows? Did I really understand my level of commitment and what it would ultimately mean? No. Looking back now... that's sad. Do I get it now? Absolutely. Regrets? Yes. That I have wasted so much time in living my life without the full knowledge and understanding of these vows. However, I am eternally grateful that God in his infinite wisdom, gave me the man he knew would be able to not just teach and show me these vows but lives these vows to their fullest. Where is this all leading? I am not well. I am not dying... I mean we will all eventually die I get that, but I have not been well for quite some time. I have had various health issues that have come and gone over the past several years and more so in the past year. I was recently diagnosed with "Lupus" For those of you not familiar with this illness, it is an autoimmune disease where your own healthy immune system turns on itself and starts attacking various organs in your bottom causing all kinds of havoc. It is not curable, and you simply deal with each health crisis as it occurs. Mine started out with a sudden loss of most of my hair requiring me to purchase a wig just to keep anyone from knowing something was going wrong with my health. This was emotionally difficult for me and a very humbling time. It was a time when my husband stepped right up and took complete control of the situation even before we had the diagnosis. I scheduled and canceled many apts to go and learn about wigs and such because I was always too busy at work. One day he called and asked if I had rescheduled my apt and when I told him no, he said we would be talking that night. I got home, where he called me upstairs. Not realizing there was an issue, I went upstairs to greeted by a very unhappy husband with a paddle in his hand. I became angry actually. What right did he have to think this was a spankable issue? It was my health, my looks and I would deal with this in my own time right? Wrong. I tried talking to him first, then I became angry and defensive, stated using all kinds of explicative words. I interrupted him every time he tried to talk to me. He warned me, I kept pushing right on. I mean what was he really gong to do anyway? He called me to him several times. Each time I was defiant and refused. He quietly took my hand and puled me close to him and made me look him in the eyes. He told me I was beautiful, and that he would always love me regardless of what the issues were and that it was time that I put myself first and if I couldn't do that then he would see to it that I did even if I had to learn the lesson the hard way. Did I understand? Yes I mumbled out loud, but inside my head and my heart I was angry, so much so that I had tuned out the rest of what he was saying and when I could not answer his questions this is where I found myself.                                                          
To say that I was shocked was putting it mildly. Now that he had my undivided attention and my bare bottom under his hand, he had me right where he wanted me and was able to continue on with his thoughts of the situation and how this was going to play out. Silly me of course, I wanted to continue to argue about a whole multitude of issues I was not in agreement with in the moment. He had a plan for this too and did not hesitate one minute.
Now I know most of you know I  HATE this paddle. I even told him so. I told him I was finished, to which he replied...yes lady, you are finished. And with that his point was well made and I felt it for days after, but most importantly, his message remains in my mind and in my heart. He has this situation, he has me, he has us. I thought I would stop TTWD. It is a good thing that we officially have been doing this lifestyle for 2 years now and worked through some of the kinks. It is a good thing he is an awesome HOH.  They say the way into a man's heart is through his stomach. I guess the way to get into my mind and my heart is through my bare bottom. It worked. He made his points. His message was well understood. He made it very clear that from now on.... he was taking charge and I had best listen and obey. YES... he told me I MUST obey him or more consequences would follow.                                                            
Obedience will be crucial as we move forward. I have always cared for others and find it very hard to let others do for me. I will have good days and not good days. I will need hubby during both times and I will need to learn to accept his guidance, leadership and protection in sickness and in health, 
for better or for worse just as our vows were spoken 39 years ago. 
I am thankful for this man of mine who does not hesitate for one minute to take me in hand. 
For in his hands, I feel safe, secure and so very loved. I am blessed beyond measure. 



Friday, March 20, 2015

He's Got My Back...

No matter what life throws at me, He's got my back. Years ago. I would not have recognized what a wonderful gift of protection that is.

Hubby has always been protective, I was always stubborn and prideful. You know, I can figure this out, I can handle this all on my own, I don't need to be told what to do. In behaving that way, it caused many arguments and many painful lessons learned the hard way for me. I wished we had been practicing TTWD/dd in those years. I wished I had not waited so long to accept my husband's leadership.

Fast forward, It is a very good thing that we are practicing TTWD/dd now. I have had some health issues that have made every day activities challenging and difficult. Even a year ago, I would have challenged everything that was told to me. While I occasionally "catch" myself trying to fight against what is being told to me, there is this soft spot in my heart, that tells me "it's ok" Rest easy, he has this, he has you. And that brings me comfort and makes me feel so loved and cherished.

I no longer feel the need to push the boundaries. Hubby has become very good at picking up on the subtle cues that tell him I am struggling and need to be reigned back in. He does not hesitate in doing just that. I have found myself over his lap frequently in the past several weeks. Not because I am necessarily in trouble, but because he understands that if he does not intervene, I am going to spiral down hill and most likely end up in trouble. He does not do  punishment spankings, but he can send a message to my bottom that most clearly tells me of his expectations. I find comfort here too. Here over his lap, I feel like I can truly "let go" of whatever the issues are and just be me. I can be angry, I can remain quiet, I can cry. I can work out the issues that are causing problems for me and sometimes for us, and know that he has my back. He has my heart and will take whatever steps are necessary to bring me back to him. Here I am safe.
Always after I am over his lap, I find myself here. Wrapped in his arms, usually bottom on fire....
here he will hold me until my tears are done regardless of how long it may take. Sometimes words are shared, sometimes it is the unspoken word that can say the most. Here... no matter why I found myself over his lap, I know that what he did, he did in love and wants me to be at peace. Here is where I find comfort, peace and am secure in his never ending love for me. He is my Sir, I am his forever love.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

You have questions?

Ok. As usual, I am a bit late coming in with what is going on here in Blog land. I understand that March is set aside for Questions that you might have. I am happy to address any questions that you might have as long as they are thoughtful and respectful. So go ahead my blog land friends.... ask away and I will do my best to respond back in a timely manner with my answers.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Moving Ahead........ 50 Shades of Grey......My Sir.......

So we continue to move forward. Maybe more accurately, I am moving ahead. Our week started out well. I took a day off  work to catch up on some much needed rest. We awoke on Monday, and I asked hubby if he wanted to go watch a movie. He immediately said... You want to go watch 50 shades of Grey right? What a great HOH. He knows me well. I said I would love to go. And so our afternoon began.

We spent the afternoon watching the long anticipated movie. I had read all three books nearly 2 years ago, but found myself being able to anticipate just exactly what was going to be said between Mr. Grey and Anastasia through the entire film. Oddly, even hubby seemed to be able to anticipate what was going to be said or even what Mr..Grey was going to do next and he had not read the books. This made for interesting dialogue between the two of us during and after the movie.                                                                      
As far as movies go, I personally enjoyed this one, even though it was mildly portrayed and nothing about it was shocking to me. I just enjoyed it for what it was and for the feelings that it allowed me to have without guilt. While we follow a TTWD/dd lifestyle and very little BDSM style, just watching this movie and catching the phrases that Mr. Grey uses that are similar to what my sir says... makes for a very "hot" experience.                  
I really love it when I hear the saying.. "You are mine" We have been married nearly 39 years, I have a marriage certificate and a ring that seals our commitment to one another, but hearing these words holds a very deep and personal connection between the two of us. Every time I hear this, it reminds me that I need to give all of myself at all times mentally, physically and emotionally. It also tells me that if I choose not to do so,I am shorting myself and sir of the deepest connections.                                                                                            
My sir is the perfect gentleman in all locations. He doesn't hesitate to let me know in public when I am approaching or have gone over the line and that there will be consequences. I would say he is the Master even outside of the bedroom.... and I find this so very hot. And so one could say that I found myself reconnecting to what I desire deep down and I know that Sir has absolutely no problems in delivering what is needed in any circumstances. The heck with what anyone else thinks. I mean really... no one even knows TTWD. We ended our day with a delicious homemade dinner by my Sir, and headed upstairs for some much needed connection. Sir made it very clear what he expected and wanted and had no problems with making sure that I was compliant. I was able to just go with the flow and not question my feelings or his motives. How contented and loved and cherished I felt.

Another post will follow to report on a health related issue that I am dealing with. It has already caused some issues for me and I am currently undergoing some testing as well as have been placed on a heavy regiment of medications. Now you should know, while I am in the medical field, I am not the world's greatest patient and can often be non-compliant. So this morning while getting ready to come into work with hubby... I took out my meds. He watched me take them and he quietly said...
if you do not take your meds just exactly as you have been told, I am going to take my bath brush and spank your bottom in the shower. You do realize having a wet bottom will make that hurt much more right? Now how the heck does he know that? Hummm.....
So.. for those of you who like visuals... Here is the picture of the bath brush that is hanging in our shower. I can tell you when he said this.... I got his message loud and clear. Now, I just need to remember to follow through or I will find myself face to face with this item and most likely a very sore bottom.
So while I do not have a Mr Grey...... I have someone so much better... I have a Sir that loves me and will do anything for me... He is my hot and sexy HOH!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Mood Swings, Head games=Uncertainty

Hey there all... so I had great intentions of being able to blog on a regular basis this year and then...well life just got in the way and before you know it.. here we are nearly at Valentine's Day.
Throw in some sickness, heavy work schedules, a son being at home and... Mood swings and this is just not a good mix all the way around.   

I am feeling much better, but after 4 rounds of strep in a month, it looks like this gal may be headed for getting my tonsils out this year at my age! No final decision yet but not many other options for me as this is a repetitive issue every winter. Work.. well work is work. Just about the time I get a handle on things, more challenges are thrown my way that keep me jumping through hoops just to keep it all together. Add our own personal business into the mix, which I am pleased to say is doing very well, it just requires me to spend any spare time I have in the evenings and the weekend to help out and that just leaves little time for myself. And to top all of this off... I am really being challenged with significant mood swings that are hard to handle. I have been prone all my life to on again off again depression and anxiety issues. These have been well managed in the past with use of medications when things have been rough. Oddly enough, TTWD/dd helps me with both of these issues that is..
when I allow it to. 
So... this is what my brain has been going through over the past several weeks. Not really sure what brought on this mixture of emotions, but I can say that it is quite unsettling and has led to some sleepless nights. Trying to talk it over with hubby is somewhat helpful, but not always. He is a pretty straight forward thinker and calls things as he see's them and once things are discussed he moves along. For me.. it is much different. I look at everything from many angles and all the what if's, how comes, and what for's.
And so.. I am going through a period of uncertainty. As convinced as I was 2+ year's ago that I wanted TTWD/dd and the benefits that come with it, and I am fortunate in that my hubby is really a good HOH and inherently knows what I need in all circumstances even if it is not always apparent to me in the moment, it becomes very evident to me after the fact. So what's the problem you ask?
I truly think it is the age old issue that some of you might have faced on occasion on this journey. What is it exactly about TTWD/dd that I am so attracted to and why? Why me? Why do I have to have this lifestyle? Ok... let me stop beating around the bush here.. let me honest... why am I fascinated with spanking in general?, why does it work for me? Why am I so turned on by being held accountable? What the heck makes this so important to me that when I don't have this.. I truly do not function well, and when I do.. I really am a different person. I mean could it be a genetic thing... what sets me apart and at what time period in my life did this become something that I could identify with?

Yes I know.. a lot of why's. I think the bottom line here... no pun intended... I am truly conflicted why I am ok with having hubby spank the daylights out of my bottom regardless of the reasons. I think when I came across TTWD/dd it dawned on me there was at least a name I could connect with "spanking." Yes.. I do know that TTWD/dd is not ALL about spanking, in fact truly little at all in some circumstances. And I explored this lifestyle.. I wanted it. To be truthful.. I was using it to hide the fact that I needed to be "spanked" for so many reasons. Now though, I honestly see what this lifestyle has to offer and as has been true for many of you, there certainly has been many up's and down's as we determined what would work best for us, in other words.. what does this lifestyle look like for us? We have come a long way since that one day in July nearly two years ago, when I stumbled across an internet site. I most certainly am better off. "we" as a couple are closer and stronger, I certainly am no worse for the wear.. well except the wear and tear on my bottom for failure to listen and follow through. So what is the problem here? It comes down to me. I am struggling to accept my need for this lifestyle. Society frowns upon behaviors out of the norm. Is this lifestyle really out of  the norm or is it just a person's perspective? Does this make me some kind of "freak?" What does having this deep longing and desire really say about me? Yes.. I know. Some very deep thinking here. So while this subject has taken up a lot of "blogging room," would you be interested to know what hubby simply said?"Stop. Stop thinking about all of this and just go with your feelings." Yes.. in 13 words he summed it all up. He has absolutely no issues with this lifestyle. And I , who brought him the information am struggling for peace of mind and simple acceptance.
So in years past, we struggled along. Our marriage of nearly 40 years now has had it's up's and down's even though some form of TTWD/dd was in play. I took no specific steps to make any changes to the problems "I had" or "we had" together. And nothing changed. We were just two people going through life as best as we could not knowing how much more better it could be. Then.. on one of those hot summer days as I explored the internet... TTWD/dd came to me and I was hooked. And now a lot has changed. We have gone through some of the most difficult times in our lives these past two years. I often wonder if we were not doing some type of TTWD/dd would we have survived? I am as much in love with my sir as I have always been. The difference is that it is a much deeper and stronger love and one that I am truly blessed to have.
 I guess then.. there is my answer to this lifestyle. Quit fighting it and be ok with what is working for me regardless of what other's would think if they knew my little secret. Now.. just tell my brain that and turn off the negative thoughts. And yes.. hubby has a plan to fix that problem as well. Want to know what his simple plan is?                            
Yep... he says he knows just exactly how to clear my head... He can deliver a message to my bottom that will remove all negative messages from my brain. He figures I will give up and give in long before his arm wears out!!! Yes.. I have a sir with a great sense of humor.
And... All is right again in my world. 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

New Year, Sick and.... Your grounded.

 Ok. New Year, post holidays, body says "I have had enough"
Sickness catches up with me after the many long hours of work I have been putting in.
We were caught in quite a nasty bitterly cold snowstorm this past week
all as we were returning to work after the Holiday season. I awoke this past Monday feeling bummed out about having to return to work. Some of this is normal once you have enjoyed a few days off. I just was feeling so exhausted. But off I went, worked very hard getting things in order to start off the New Year. As the day progressed, I felt my fatigue growing along with my irritability. Due to the snowstorm and at husbands directive, that I call it a day, I shut things down around 4:30p which is early for me and struggled to make the difficult drive home.
Once there, I got into my jammies, into my recliner with my snuggle heated throw. Hubby heated up left overs, we watch some of our favorite shows and headed to bed at 9pm. Not before I decided to rant and rave about the state of the house and anything else that came to my mind. He pulled me over his lap while in his recliner and gave me a few good firm smacks to my bottom and told me to go to bed. He was just making a point, but I was tearful. Up to bed I went and fell quickly fast asleep.
I could feel myself getting fidgety under the covers during the night. First I was hot,then I was cold, I was tossing and turning feeling achy. I awoke at 3AM with a headache. And then..... the god awful sore throat was noted. When I swallowed it felt like I had swallowed glass. It was so excruciatingly painful. I got up and went to the bathroom and took some meds. I could barely swallow them down.
I came back to bed and just groaned as I got back under the covers. Hubby asked if I was ok. I said no and started to tear up. I am so sick. Strep throat you think? he asks. Gosh I hope not I said. I drifted off into a fitful sleep as he rubbed my back. The next morning I awoke and knew I would not be making it into work.

Yep, this is probably the nice version of how I looked. Truth is I look quite pathetic when I am sick.
Checked my temp, 101!!. My head hurt and I had a dry hacking cough and I could barely swallow.
Hubby brought me some juice and more meds, tucked me in and told me to stay in bed and sleep. No arguments there. I felt like I was dying. This day rolled into the next day and I was just as sick as I was the day before. We had a raging snowstorm and there was no way I was getting out of bed and going to the Dr. Fortunately, this is what I do so I had the connection to call in and plead my case.
I stated I was 99% certain I had strep throat. Even at my age, I still manage to successfully get this at least once a year and I certainly had all the sx'es. I was encouraged to be checked for flu since it is rampant right now, but I did receive the flu shot and just wasn't convinced this is what I had. Antibiotics were called in along with something for cough with the promise of if I was not seeing any improvement in 24 hours I would come in to be seen. I texted husband and asked him to pick up my meds on his way home from work. This would not be until 10 pm but it kept me from going out in the bad weather. Back to sleep I went. He awoke me when he got home and held up my drink. It was the same one he had made at 7AM. I maybe had sipped once or twice. Not enough to stay hydrated. He was not happy. He prepared all my meds which involved cutting the giant pills into sections so I could get them down. Cough liquid followed. Eewwww. Next came throat lozenges and the infamous Vicks Vapo rub. Truth is.. I was too sick to argue about any of this routine. Day 3 arrives.
I am very fortunate that when I am sick.. Husband does all he can to insure that I do as I am expected in terms of rest, fluids, he cooks whatever I feel I can tolerate and eat. He helps me shower and get clean nightclothes on so I will feel a bit better. He is my knight in shining armor. Day 4 arrives.

Still feeling sick but meds are starting to take affect and all things considering... I am doing better. I stated that I thought I would go into work on Friday just for awhile. I had missed so much even though I had been following emails from home. I needed to clear things out you know and get ready for next week. Husband simply stated.. "you are not going anywhere" You may be starting to feel better but I can tell you are still not well. You don't know how to say no, your intention is good but I know if I let you go you will put in a 12 hour day and just be back at square one. You are to remain in bed... understood?
The next thing he said.... You are grounded until further notice. I will decide when you are able to return to work. Really? I thought about this long and hard.
 Reluctantly I agreed. Ended up sleeping most of the day away.Later that night for some reason, I started to struggle with this directive. Come on. I mean shouldn't I know when I am feeling better and can return to work? I spent from 12 midnight to 3AM tossing and turning. Maybe I could go in and he would not know. After all he would be gone all day and it would be very late before he got home.

 This silly little game played out in my head. The more I thought about it the more disappointed I became in myself. I was being deceitful and dishonest in plotting to go against his instructions regardless of how I felt. One week ago, didn't I just post that I would make the commitment to follow his leadership and already I was plotting a way to go around his instructions. Exhausted, I fell into a fitful sleep.

Day 5- Saturday
I get up, finally dress, put a bit of makeup on. Husband asks what I am doing. I said I thought I would go to work since no one is there and get a bit of work done. If looks could say it all... his did for sure. He pointed back to the bedroom. He asks do I need a reminder of what is expected? After all, if I am feeling that much better then apparently I am not so sick that my bottom could not be spanked.
Oh my goodness. He is not playing around. He goes on to say this is where you are allowed to spend your day.
Yes dear friends... This is my exact recliner. This is where I was told I could stay for the day. I could work on my laptop, but I was not to vacuum the house, do the laundry, take out the trash, not to take the trash to the curb, not put away Christmas decorations. I was to continue to rest, take naps and nothing more. Did I understand? Yes... I understand. He helped me downstairs and got me all settled in. Juice, tissue, remote, phone, Ipad and laptop. Then.... he brings me my meds and stays to be sure I took them all. I did. He kissed the top of my head and one last reminder to follow his instructions and he was gone. Suddenly, I am very tired and have the strong need to go to sleep. And sleep I did. I slept nearly six hours here in this comfy recliner. When I awoke, I felt ok. And so.... truthfully without much thought, I got out the vacuum. I started to clean a bit.  I could feel myself getting very winded. I could only do one room at a time and then had to sit down and rest. I finally was able to get the house done and I put the vacuum away. As I sat in my recliner thinking this over, it occurred to me that while I had not really done anything wrong had I?, still I did disobey one of the things he was specific about. Did it really matter? Now what do I do? Do I tell him or just leave things alone? Darn it...why do I have to be so OCD anyway? I only hurt myself or did I? So now this Saturday night, I am pondering the right thing to do. There are no white lies in life. A lie is a lie. Not really sure what he would say or do if I do tell him. Then again, honesty is of paramount importance. I think I know in my heart what I will need to do. Have any of you put yourself into a similar position? What was the decision that you finally came to?

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Resolutions or Commitments....

Happy New Year 2015 to Everyone.
With a New Year comes the opportunity to make changes that will
improve one's relationships and lifestyles.

Every year we all hear the question..... What is your New Year's Resolution going to be? Every year.. I am unable to come up with a suitable resolution that I know I will be able to keep the entire year and so... I just don't make them anymore.

This year however, the word "commitment" kept popping into my head. And so for this year instead of trying to come up with a resolution that I know I won't keep, I am going to say for the record that I am going to be committed to learning to follow my husband's leadership. Yes I know, we always say we will do this and sometimes we do and sometimes we do not. The definition of "commitment" is:
being in the state of being dedicated to a cause, belief, or activity. There is also the understanding of responsibility, or duty.

My lesson for today..... To be committed, is a conscious decision that one must make in all instances whether you agree or do not agree. It is the willingness from the heart to give of yourself even when you don't want to, don't feel like it, or just plain disagree with what is being asked or required. This lesson can be learned the easy way.... or the hard way. When one chooses to do as they are asked,  things look just like this... quiet, peaceful and loving. 

When one chooses to be difficult, challenging,or disrespectful...... then one can expect consequences to occur such as.....

Now what I have a problem with is this....... I can talk the talk real well... in fact too well. Sadly, I have to admit that I do not walk the walk nearly as well as I should be doing at this point in our journey. Husband says.... "I have attitude" That makes me really angry. What does he mean by attitude exactly? 
This is exactly what he means....... While I can think I am talking the part, my attitude and behavior that he see's or feels,  tells him the exact opposite. I am fooling no one, least of all my sir. This is a bitter pill to swallow. One has to first take ownership of their actions before they are able to make the necessary corrections. So..... my commitment this year to myself and to "us" is to stop the childish games I can play when things are not going my way... and commit to doing things the proper way both with my mind and with my heart. And when I find myself here.....
I will have no one to blame but myself. I can submit and accept the consequences and learn my lesson or we can continue to have disharmony and dis function within our relationship. The stakes are higher this year. "We" or "I" have had a year to work on this process and determine what is wanted from this lifestyle. For me... it is accountability. It is knowing my boundaries, accepting consequences. But most importantly it is becoming the wife that my sir deserves. 

So our relationship this year will center around these 3 "C's". So.... communication we know is "key."
Commitment is essential. Compromise is what will also be needed from time to time, but what I will be working on... is accepting sir's final decisions with an attitude that matches my responses.

So with these thoughts, I will close for now. I have my work cut out for me this year. This is not a resolution that I will make and fail at. It is a commitment to myself and to sir so that this time next year... we can both look back and see how far we have come. My sir is a man of his word. I will be the lady he expects and wants from me.