Friday, March 20, 2015
Hubby has always been protective, I was always stubborn and prideful. You know, I can figure this out, I can handle this all on my own, I don't need to be told what to do. In behaving that way, it caused many arguments and many painful lessons learned the hard way for me. I wished we had been practicing TTWD/dd in those years. I wished I had not waited so long to accept my husband's leadership.
Fast forward, It is a very good thing that we are practicing TTWD/dd now. I have had some health issues that have made every day activities challenging and difficult. Even a year ago, I would have challenged everything that was told to me. While I occasionally "catch" myself trying to fight against what is being told to me, there is this soft spot in my heart, that tells me "it's ok" Rest easy, he has this, he has you. And that brings me comfort and makes me feel so loved and cherished.
I no longer feel the need to push the boundaries. Hubby has become very good at picking up on the subtle cues that tell him I am struggling and need to be reigned back in. He does not hesitate in doing just that. I have found myself over his lap frequently in the past several weeks. Not because I am necessarily in trouble, but because he understands that if he does not intervene, I am going to spiral down hill and most likely end up in trouble. He does not do punishment spankings, but he can send a message to my bottom that most clearly tells me of his expectations. I find comfort here too. Here over his lap, I feel like I can truly "let go" of whatever the issues are and just be me. I can be angry, I can remain quiet, I can cry. I can work out the issues that are causing problems for me and sometimes for us, and know that he has my back. He has my heart and will take whatever steps are necessary to bring me back to him. Here I am safe.
here he will hold me until my tears are done regardless of how long it may take. Sometimes words are shared, sometimes it is the unspoken word that can say the most. Here... no matter why I found myself over his lap, I know that what he did, he did in love and wants me to be at peace. Here is where I find comfort, peace and am secure in his never ending love for me. He is my Sir, I am his forever love.