I was stunned, then I was in disbelief as his words sunk in. He was providing me a way out of a very difficult situation and made the tough decision that I was struggling to make. What would this mean for us? So many questions, self doubts swirled around in my head. Suddenly his words came back to me from his text... "do it today" And so I shut my office door, put on some quiet music and typed out my letter of resignation and hit the send button before I could give another thought. While I had so many things yet to do for the evening, I simply got up, turned everything off and went home. I had a couple of hours before Sir would be home. I sat on our bed in total silence. I had just resigned my position. The tears just filled my eyes and I sobbed. Finally I pulled myself together, took a hot shower and got into bed. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, Sir was at the bedside and the first question he asked was.. did you resign your position today? I simply nodded my head yes. Good girl. Go to sleep and get some rest. We will have plenty of time to address the details in the weeks ahead. That night I slept the entire night through, something I had not been able to do for several years. I awakened rested, and while somewhat apprehensive, I headed into work ready to address the many emails my letter of resignation would generate. I quickly became overwhelmed. What would I say, how would I address the many questions? I decided to keep it very simple...
"My husband and I have decided to take another direction." And that is exactly what I said hundreds of times over that day and in the months to follow.
My health has improved tremendously. I have lost weight, my blood pressure is normal, I am sleeping well, I am eating better, I am not moody, tearful or worried in the same manner I was.
I am enjoying life as it should be. I am living in the present. It is a choice I have made.
received a year ago. I thought about all of the things that have transpired for us in the past year. I was overcome with gratitude. My Sir did not worry about the details of how our "taking a different direction" would look when he gave the directive. In his infinite wisdom, while I am certain he did think through the financial ramifications, he still knew it was what would be best for me, and for us.
I quickly picked up my phone and sent him a simple text message. I thanked Sir for all of his hard work in providing for our every need, how much he was appreciated and how much I loved him for taking care of me. I sat there for awhile and just felt my emotions as they were.
Now I wouldn't want any of you to think that things have just been "perfect" here. We all know I am not the perfect little angel, we all know that I am stubborn, prideful, strong-willed and have even been known to go explicitly against Sir's wishes. And for that.....
Yep, my arts and craft project from last year has been and is still being used even though Sir broke it across my rear end months ago now. We laugh now thinking back, I wasn't laughing then I can assure you. And while we both are on the mend now from our injuries of the summer, this implement while broken still stands in the corner of our bedroom and serves as a reminder that it can and will be used as Sir see's fit.
And while I often "buck" the rules, and find myself over Sir's lap, the fact is I feel secure in knowing the boundaries and whether in agreement or not, that Sir will not hesitate to enforce his expectations and help me get back to a better place of clear understanding of those expectations.
Learning to work with Sir is a whole different post, but let's just say that having a TTWD lifestyle has been instrumental in keeping boundaries and expectations in place as we go through the process.
We have been faced with challenges for sure over the summer and TTWD took a back seat for awhile and we are slowly finding our way back. Well ok.. Sir is back... I am coming back with my feet dragging a bit. I mean after all, going for several months without being spanked or spanked in the manner that one has become accustomed to, leaves one's bottom feeling very tender at the slightest touch....Sir is mindful of my injury as well, and is using caution, but then proceeds to move forward
and assures me my bottom will once again become well accustomed to his touch or his implements...
What can be said here really? I am grateful for Sir, his wisdom, his guidance, his love. I am grateful that one year ago, I did not hesitate to follow through with his directive.