Saturday, January 10, 2015

New Year, Sick and.... Your grounded.

 Ok. New Year, post holidays, body says "I have had enough"
Sickness catches up with me after the many long hours of work I have been putting in.
We were caught in quite a nasty bitterly cold snowstorm this past week
all as we were returning to work after the Holiday season. I awoke this past Monday feeling bummed out about having to return to work. Some of this is normal once you have enjoyed a few days off. I just was feeling so exhausted. But off I went, worked very hard getting things in order to start off the New Year. As the day progressed, I felt my fatigue growing along with my irritability. Due to the snowstorm and at husbands directive, that I call it a day, I shut things down around 4:30p which is early for me and struggled to make the difficult drive home.
Once there, I got into my jammies, into my recliner with my snuggle heated throw. Hubby heated up left overs, we watch some of our favorite shows and headed to bed at 9pm. Not before I decided to rant and rave about the state of the house and anything else that came to my mind. He pulled me over his lap while in his recliner and gave me a few good firm smacks to my bottom and told me to go to bed. He was just making a point, but I was tearful. Up to bed I went and fell quickly fast asleep.
I could feel myself getting fidgety under the covers during the night. First I was hot,then I was cold, I was tossing and turning feeling achy. I awoke at 3AM with a headache. And then..... the god awful sore throat was noted. When I swallowed it felt like I had swallowed glass. It was so excruciatingly painful. I got up and went to the bathroom and took some meds. I could barely swallow them down.
I came back to bed and just groaned as I got back under the covers. Hubby asked if I was ok. I said no and started to tear up. I am so sick. Strep throat you think? he asks. Gosh I hope not I said. I drifted off into a fitful sleep as he rubbed my back. The next morning I awoke and knew I would not be making it into work.

Yep, this is probably the nice version of how I looked. Truth is I look quite pathetic when I am sick.
Checked my temp, 101!!. My head hurt and I had a dry hacking cough and I could barely swallow.
Hubby brought me some juice and more meds, tucked me in and told me to stay in bed and sleep. No arguments there. I felt like I was dying. This day rolled into the next day and I was just as sick as I was the day before. We had a raging snowstorm and there was no way I was getting out of bed and going to the Dr. Fortunately, this is what I do so I had the connection to call in and plead my case.
I stated I was 99% certain I had strep throat. Even at my age, I still manage to successfully get this at least once a year and I certainly had all the sx'es. I was encouraged to be checked for flu since it is rampant right now, but I did receive the flu shot and just wasn't convinced this is what I had. Antibiotics were called in along with something for cough with the promise of if I was not seeing any improvement in 24 hours I would come in to be seen. I texted husband and asked him to pick up my meds on his way home from work. This would not be until 10 pm but it kept me from going out in the bad weather. Back to sleep I went. He awoke me when he got home and held up my drink. It was the same one he had made at 7AM. I maybe had sipped once or twice. Not enough to stay hydrated. He was not happy. He prepared all my meds which involved cutting the giant pills into sections so I could get them down. Cough liquid followed. Eewwww. Next came throat lozenges and the infamous Vicks Vapo rub. Truth is.. I was too sick to argue about any of this routine. Day 3 arrives.
I am very fortunate that when I am sick.. Husband does all he can to insure that I do as I am expected in terms of rest, fluids, he cooks whatever I feel I can tolerate and eat. He helps me shower and get clean nightclothes on so I will feel a bit better. He is my knight in shining armor. Day 4 arrives.

Still feeling sick but meds are starting to take affect and all things considering... I am doing better. I stated that I thought I would go into work on Friday just for awhile. I had missed so much even though I had been following emails from home. I needed to clear things out you know and get ready for next week. Husband simply stated.. "you are not going anywhere" You may be starting to feel better but I can tell you are still not well. You don't know how to say no, your intention is good but I know if I let you go you will put in a 12 hour day and just be back at square one. You are to remain in bed... understood?
The next thing he said.... You are grounded until further notice. I will decide when you are able to return to work. Really? I thought about this long and hard.
 Reluctantly I agreed. Ended up sleeping most of the day away.Later that night for some reason, I started to struggle with this directive. Come on. I mean shouldn't I know when I am feeling better and can return to work? I spent from 12 midnight to 3AM tossing and turning. Maybe I could go in and he would not know. After all he would be gone all day and it would be very late before he got home.

 This silly little game played out in my head. The more I thought about it the more disappointed I became in myself. I was being deceitful and dishonest in plotting to go against his instructions regardless of how I felt. One week ago, didn't I just post that I would make the commitment to follow his leadership and already I was plotting a way to go around his instructions. Exhausted, I fell into a fitful sleep.

Day 5- Saturday
I get up, finally dress, put a bit of makeup on. Husband asks what I am doing. I said I thought I would go to work since no one is there and get a bit of work done. If looks could say it all... his did for sure. He pointed back to the bedroom. He asks do I need a reminder of what is expected? After all, if I am feeling that much better then apparently I am not so sick that my bottom could not be spanked.
Oh my goodness. He is not playing around. He goes on to say this is where you are allowed to spend your day.
Yes dear friends... This is my exact recliner. This is where I was told I could stay for the day. I could work on my laptop, but I was not to vacuum the house, do the laundry, take out the trash, not to take the trash to the curb, not put away Christmas decorations. I was to continue to rest, take naps and nothing more. Did I understand? Yes... I understand. He helped me downstairs and got me all settled in. Juice, tissue, remote, phone, Ipad and laptop. Then.... he brings me my meds and stays to be sure I took them all. I did. He kissed the top of my head and one last reminder to follow his instructions and he was gone. Suddenly, I am very tired and have the strong need to go to sleep. And sleep I did. I slept nearly six hours here in this comfy recliner. When I awoke, I felt ok. And so.... truthfully without much thought, I got out the vacuum. I started to clean a bit.  I could feel myself getting very winded. I could only do one room at a time and then had to sit down and rest. I finally was able to get the house done and I put the vacuum away. As I sat in my recliner thinking this over, it occurred to me that while I had not really done anything wrong had I?, still I did disobey one of the things he was specific about. Did it really matter? Now what do I do? Do I tell him or just leave things alone? Darn it...why do I have to be so OCD anyway? I only hurt myself or did I? So now this Saturday night, I am pondering the right thing to do. There are no white lies in life. A lie is a lie. Not really sure what he would say or do if I do tell him. Then again, honesty is of paramount importance. I think I know in my heart what I will need to do. Have any of you put yourself into a similar position? What was the decision that you finally came to?

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Resolutions or Commitments....

Happy New Year 2015 to Everyone.
With a New Year comes the opportunity to make changes that will
improve one's relationships and lifestyles.

Every year we all hear the question..... What is your New Year's Resolution going to be? Every year.. I am unable to come up with a suitable resolution that I know I will be able to keep the entire year and so... I just don't make them anymore.

This year however, the word "commitment" kept popping into my head. And so for this year instead of trying to come up with a resolution that I know I won't keep, I am going to say for the record that I am going to be committed to learning to follow my husband's leadership. Yes I know, we always say we will do this and sometimes we do and sometimes we do not. The definition of "commitment" is:
being in the state of being dedicated to a cause, belief, or activity. There is also the understanding of responsibility, or duty.

My lesson for today..... To be committed, is a conscious decision that one must make in all instances whether you agree or do not agree. It is the willingness from the heart to give of yourself even when you don't want to, don't feel like it, or just plain disagree with what is being asked or required. This lesson can be learned the easy way.... or the hard way. When one chooses to do as they are asked,  things look just like this... quiet, peaceful and loving. 

When one chooses to be difficult, challenging,or disrespectful...... then one can expect consequences to occur such as.....

Now what I have a problem with is this....... I can talk the talk real well... in fact too well. Sadly, I have to admit that I do not walk the walk nearly as well as I should be doing at this point in our journey. Husband says.... "I have attitude" That makes me really angry. What does he mean by attitude exactly? 
This is exactly what he means....... While I can think I am talking the part, my attitude and behavior that he see's or feels,  tells him the exact opposite. I am fooling no one, least of all my sir. This is a bitter pill to swallow. One has to first take ownership of their actions before they are able to make the necessary corrections. So..... my commitment this year to myself and to "us" is to stop the childish games I can play when things are not going my way... and commit to doing things the proper way both with my mind and with my heart. And when I find myself here.....
I will have no one to blame but myself. I can submit and accept the consequences and learn my lesson or we can continue to have disharmony and dis function within our relationship. The stakes are higher this year. "We" or "I" have had a year to work on this process and determine what is wanted from this lifestyle. For me... it is accountability. It is knowing my boundaries, accepting consequences. But most importantly it is becoming the wife that my sir deserves. 

So our relationship this year will center around these 3 "C's". So.... communication we know is "key."
Commitment is essential. Compromise is what will also be needed from time to time, but what I will be working on... is accepting sir's final decisions with an attitude that matches my responses.

So with these thoughts, I will close for now. I have my work cut out for me this year. This is not a resolution that I will make and fail at. It is a commitment to myself and to sir so that this time next year... we can both look back and see how far we have come. My sir is a man of his word. I will be the lady he expects and wants from me.