I don't know about all of you, but I can hardly believe it is June. 1/2 of this year is nearly gone. Where has the time gone? What have I accomplished? What still lies ahead for me and for my sir?
I only had the opportunity to post once in May, and that post was intense for me. Since that time, I have taken a step back to see where I have been and where I am headed on this journey. You could say that incident was a life changing moment for me. I was "shocked" into the true reality of what it means to be submissive and obedient. "I" who thought I knew what was expected, fell very short and needed to look within myself for the answers. Not that I do not value and appreciate all of you that read and offer words of encouragement and support, but if I am to succeed, it will need to come from within me to find the answers and the solutions that will work for me and for us.
I had the unexpected opportunity to go home mid May and visit my Mom and my sisters as well as a very close friend. I was so excited about going home and my expectations for what would occur were very high. I am not a seasoned traveler, nor do I rarely go alone, and so to leave on this trip without sir was a very big deal. I certainly had my share of bad weather, I had to learn to use the Kiosk machines instead of dealing with an actual human being. Sir saw me off at the airport, and we stayed in contact via texting which was of some comfort. It was comforting to know he was following me on my journey and I felt loved and secure in knowing that he was in control.
I arrived at my destination, and was greeted by my sister. My gut instinct sensed something was not entirely right only I could not put my finger on it. I was just happy to see her and her family and was looking forward to getting safely to her home and to get caught up on how she was doing. It didn't go as I expected. The first thing I noted was the disarray of her home, the manner in which she was speaking to her husband and then sadly how much she was drinking. She quickly became mean and nasty. I could not believe what I was seeing or hearing. I became increasingly uncomfortable with the situation and wondered what sir would think if he knew what was going on.
I will spare everyone all the assorted details. Let's just say my sister shared with me some things that were very shocking and upsetting to me. I did my best to support and council her, but she was not willing to accept ownership or accountability for the role she was playing with the dysfunction of her marriage and her family. My favorite saying is: "one can not change what one does not accept ownership for." Therefore, I did not hold out much hope for her to understand the harm she was in let alone do anything about it. I did not sleep that night and wondered what my next steps would be. The next morning quite early, I got up and took my phone and took a long walk several blocks away and called sir to tell him what was going on. I was scared, hurt, felt lost and out of control. I needed his guidance, his support, his leadership and I needed him to take control even though we were very far apart. In years past, I may not have thought much about what was occuring, but now that we have been doing ttwd/dd for nearly a year, my heart knew exactly what he would have expected. He would not want me to be exposed to anything that would put me in harms way. He was patient and calm as I tearfully explained what had happened. When I was done, he gave me a specific directive to follow. I was to contact my friend & have her pick me up immediately and go with her to her home until she could get me to my mother's 2 hours away. If she couldn't come he would be calling the police. Fortunately I was able to reach her. I left for the day and told my sister I would return the next morning. I did return, and while I took her aside and held a meaningful and direct conversation with her, my friend got my suitcase and put it in her car.
I wrapped up my talk and left. I spent the rest of my time visiting my mom, my other sister and my best friend. All the while, sir stayed in constant contact with me texting every 2-3 hours to see how I was, and we would talk late each night. He remained supportive of my emotional needs. I felt very connected and loved. I felt secure and knew he was watching over me.
The remainder of my trip was uneventful except for weather related issues which delayed my return home one extra day. I was never so happy to get back home and into the waiting arms of my sir. I had a sense of gratitude and appreciation for his guidance, wisdom and council unlike any other time. We spent time talking over what had happened, how it made me feel, the issues that I was struggling with. Again,he patiently listened, allowed me to cry. He held me and comforted me. He then told me how this was going to play out. I am to have absolutely no further contact with my sister. She is old enough and free to make her own choices regarding her behavior and that did not include involving me or placing me in such a dangerous and difficult situation. He expects my obedience on this subject.
If I had not followed his directions as given, I could have easily been placed in harms way. As it was, he had advised me to get my things and leave and to not return. I did leave my suitcase and returned the next morning to pick it up, which was not exactly following his direction. In doing this I again, placed myself in harms way. When you are expected to obey, you should be prepared to do so fully and completely and not pick and choose which part of the directive you will follow.
You either obey or you do not. Let's just say..I learned this lesson the painful way.
So in closing for this post, I feel so safe and secure and loved by my sir. While I have not always done what he has said in the past, this time I knew exactly what steps to take and in doing so, he was able to protect me as best as he could from a distance. My love for sir has deepened so much within the past month that it is difficult to express. We have gone from one extreme to the next. I went from disrespecting sir at the beginning of the month, to following his direct orders in a time of extreme duress. I now know the importance of obedience in all areas whether the issues are small or they are large it makes no difference. As for spankings, yes there have been a few on my return. Not for punishment, but to reset me and remind me who is in charge and who has the final say.
And you know, I am ok with this. I am ready and willing to let go, let sir lead and I will happily follow him. He is my sir, he is my life. He is my everything.