New Year 2017 !!

Well I realize I am 6 days late in getting started with my 2017 posts. It was a wild and crazy time the entire month of December and into New Year's Eve. I do want to start out saying Happy New Year to all of you and I wish all of you a healthy, happy and loving New Year.

I do not do resolutions as I am very poor at keeping them. I do want to set a goal for this year now that I actually have time to give attention to meeting any set goal I may have. I have been giving much thought as to what this goal will be as I want for it to have meaning and growth for me.

I have decided to do my best in following my husband's lead whether I am in agreement or not. That is going to be a very hard one to meet as I just can not seem to keep my thoughts to myself which very frequently leads to arguments. Apparently, what I am able to get from him is that this is a very
important issue for him. He truly expects me to do as I am asked without question. Now that doesn't mean that we can not discuss issues, but for the majority of the time, he really, really does not like it when I have to add my two cents in every conversation.

 So I have tried for over 4 years now to explain why I feel a domestic discipline relationship would benefit us. I think the problem is how my husband views this and how I think it should look along with the fact that I read too many books and I am wondering if I have a "fantasy" idea going on in my head about this whole DD situation. Perhaps this is why I at times do not feel he understands.
Most of you that have been following me know that we have had some kind of spanking going on in our home since we were dating in high school. Now married 40 + years it is still going on but not in the manner that I am craving or feel it should be. You also know that hubby is not much of a talker, or if he does, he is limited in his explanations as he feels there is not much to discuss really, he just does what he does when he feels it is necessary which in some cases can lead me to believe he is playing a game for kicks and grins and not for the objective of improving our relationship.
I sent him a "brief" email from me trying to once again spell things out and asked for him to take the lead here, he has yet to acknowledge he has read it, but I know he probably has. So what's a gal to do at this point? I am not unhappy, I am feeling lost and left out from what I think should be going on.

Ok. So hubby acts like he knows his role just fine, and really doesn't care to discuss it. I am certain I
need help in knowing and understanding my role and being held accountable but I can't seem to get him to see it in this same way. I have asked for his help, but I don't see that he really follows through with correcting behaviors and issues he really doesn't like and would benefit us both if these things were corrected. I think I am just about done trying to explain it to him as it seems like I am pushing him away each time I bring things up for discussion.

Ok. So he is suppose to be the HOH right? In most cases I would say he is and for that I am grateful. Of course there are times when I want to argue issues and have my way. I don't usually win those arguments but we are both miserable and just shut down and this could be resolved following a true DD relationship I believe.

I wish we could just sit down and talk this out, but the fact is.. hubby just isn't the talking kind.
I want to clearly know his expectations and be held accountable so that I can be the woman he really wants me to be. Things have gotten to the point where this is what I think about a good portion of my day and sometimes it makes me sad that we can't just simply sit down and talk this over and make a plan to move ahead in some kind of official  manner. Then again, sometimes actions speak louder than words and maybe that is the approach that is needed but I am doubtful I will get there on my own or after 40+ years I would already be there right? So.....  am not sure where we are headed at this time. I do know I am feeling frustrated with what my perception of what I want and expect and what is really happening in our home. I would welcome any words of wisdom to help me get a handle on how I am feeling and or how to better approach my husband so the lines of communication can be
opened up and we can move ahead. I hope that it is not a lost cause at this time. I look forward to any and all feedback.

Naughty or Nice? Who is keeping the list?

Christmas. My favorite time of the year. I particularly am enjoying this year since I am only working in our business. However, this is one of the very busiest times of the year for us which is why I have had no time for posting this month.
Of course, many things can be said for this time of the year. Above is an actual picture of a saying that I have in my living room. One morning Sir decided to lay his large wooden spoon in front of it
just so I could see it when I came down the stairs.
He said I had been a naughty girl, and needed to have some correction time over his lap so I could settle down and get through the remainder of our month. I asked for "specifics" Nope. None to be
shared. He simply said he is keeping a list and checking it twice to determine if I was naughty or nice. He also said something to the effect that my bottom was soon to be as red as Rudolph's nose!!
Oh goodness.. Ouch and ouch....
Well a lot of what has been said in our home lately has been for kicks and grins, but he definitely has used that wooden spoon a time or two to get his messages across. Regardless of how busy we are he always makes time to get his points across.  Still not much "official talking" going on here about TTWD.  I am just slipping in a question or two every so often to see if I can get a sense of how he
really feels. That post will follow in the New Year when I have more time.

In the meantime.....

I want to wish all of my blogland friends and your families a very Merry Christmas season

Thankfulness & Gratitude and I am on a mission.....

 

 So before too much more time gets away and we are all caught up with our family and friends for the Thanksgiving holidays, I would like to take this time to say a very special thank you to each one of you here in blog land for the kindness and support you have shown me this past year despite the many up's and downs. Know that I wish all of you safe travels and time spent with your family and friends that will bring you joy, laughter and fun. Thanksgiving often turns our hearts towards a spirit of gratitude.

I do find that when I spend more time reflecting on the things I am truly grateful for in my life, my attitude definitely changes and I have a softer approach and outlook in my life. That should include Sir as well. So this Thanksgiving, I am going to set aside some time to write down all the many things I am thankful for and grateful for in having Sir as my husband for 40 years. I am hopeful in doing so it will soften my heart, quite my mind down and help me to prepare myself for active communication that I am hopeful will occur and I can do so with active listening skills.

So, this is how I wish things would look and go.

Are you listening to me? Do you hear what I am saying?

In reality this is how it may end up as it nearly always does.

So I saw this quote and it hit home with me. How often has Sir said to me that he does not like or

appreciate my "tone?" Well now that I think about it, he says this nearly every conversation. I think in my haste to be heard I just talk right over him which must have to sound disrespectful and most likely he in fact tunes me out which is why I never feel heard. So.. in order to begin to see change it is I that needs to initiate the change beginning with my approach. Here is where I sure could use some feedback from any of you that find yourselves in a similar situation. How do you approach your partner when you have something of significance on your mind so that they are willing to take the time to sit down and hear you out? How do you keep things from spiraling out of control?

So for the most part, I feel my husband is a good leader, sometimes I don't see it until way after the fact, but more often than not he is right in his decisions. I saw this quote and I really want to reflect on this a bit longer. "The part about even if he is not leading the way I want him to".... Guilty as charged here ladies. I think I don't often give him enough credit for just being him, whether or not I am in agreement. That can't be good for his morale. I need to spend more time building him up than trying to get my own way. That will take time to practice and execute for sure.

So this Thanksgiving, I want to focus on all the things I am truly grateful for with Sir. The things he does are truly amazing to me, and they do make my heart happy and full. I want to learn to be appreciative where we are in the moment. But.. I do want him to hear how much better I think things can be for us both if we are truly following a TTWD lifestyle. Perhaps, I will just simply ask him what he thinks TTWD looks like to him, put duct tape across my mouth if I have to in order to let him say what he needs to say and I need to fully listen. Perhaps in doing so I will actually gain some insight as to where we are and where we might be heading.

I am hopeful in the end, we will look more like this, closer together with a much clearer understanding of where we are and where we are headed. Stay tuned.. I will fill you in on how this goes after Thanksgiving.

LOL 2016

Calling all Lurkers.... I was once a lurker and did so for many months before reaching out to a blogger and developed a friendship that I did not expect. Finally after much encouragement, I decided
to develop my own blog sight if nothing more than to document my journey on TTWD.

Are you lurking around out there? If so, come on in and pull up a chair and let's get to know a bit about one another. It is a great way to break the ice, dip your toe in and see how you feel about perhaps opening up to others that have and are going through some of the very same issues you may be going through.

I have shared before that many a friendships are found here in blogland, non-judgmental, open, honest and supportive feedback. While there are at times some tears and frustrations here, more often than not, there is fun and laughter as we help each other through the good and difficult times.

So feel free to leave a comment or two, let me get to know you, or if you still prefer to remain anonymous that is perfectly fine too.

Thanks for stopping by my sight. I hope you have found some of the postings here helpful to you.

New look, New changes, New life

A very big thank you to all of you that responded to yesterday's post. What a difference a day can make.
I made a decision to try to freshen up my blog site and at the same time after visiting some of your
sites again, I was able to delete some very old blogs that actually were no longer active and I believe
I was able to update my blog roll with current bloggers that should make things a bit easier moving
forward.
So with that, please pull up a chair and stay awhile won't you?

 So what I really wish is that I could have friendships in this lifestyle that really were like being in real life time. I would love to have one or more of you over to pull up a chair and sit down and talk
about TTWD over coffee, tea or a cappuccino whichever you prefer.

I love all of these warm drinks particularly at this time of the year. I find them very comforting.

This is how I imagine myself looking these days. Alone, thinking things over in my head about TTWD and are Sir and I really doing TTWD? Or.. are we just doing what we have always done throughout our lifetime. Does it really matter or not? Well apparently somewhere deep down inside of me it does matter. Why is it so important for me to "define" TTWD? That's a challenging question at best. If you were to ask Sir about this process, he see's no issues at all, and is just fine with how things are going although he would appreciate a bit more cooperation from me particularly in my conversations, my tone, & my argumentative attitude. Ok. I can accept that statement. But.. I thought that  is what TTWD really was about, to help alleviate those things that your partner could do without right? In our home we have never set boundaries or rules per se... Sir just takes action as he see's fit and sometimes for no apparent reason other than the fact "he can" as I was told last night.

Me... I need discussions, boundaries, rules and consequences in order to improve. Clearly we have differences of opinion on how TTWD works for us. Sir tells me I "overthink" things way too much for his liking. Inside my head I think and feel that he just doesn't want to talk things out in the same way I do. Is it worth it to rock the boat and try to get Sir to see things from my perspective? Not sure about that one right now.

So I constantly feel I am being pulled this way, or that way or another way whenever I read about TTWD in general, or even when I read blogs from all of you. I do my best to not compare but reality is I do. And in doing so, I feel less confident each day that Sir and I have a TTWD relationship.
Just admitting that alone brings me sadness. Now don't misunderstand me here.. Spankings in our household have been going on for a very long time. GG spankings, playful spankings, erotic spankings, extremely rare if ever are discipline spankings. I should be grateful right? At least Sir has always been willing to deliver on the much needed and deeply craved spanking part regardless of the reasons. But here in lies the issue I believe. My mind has not accepted that Sir is ok with this as things are, but I, on the other hand, feels there has to be more to TTWD. Sadly, I believe it is the lack of communication that we do not have with regards to this issue. I feel if I were to persist in trying to get my thoughts across, it would push Sir away and we might lose what we already have. I am not certain if I am getting my thoughts out here in a way that any of you can relate to, but I am doing my best.

I saw this quote today, and I think it sums things up from my perspective. I am not a very good listener and am always thinking of what I am going to say to Sir whenever he is speaking to me.
It is not a good quality to have hence I believe is the reason we can find ourselves in a heated argument in 2.5 seconds or less over the simplest of things. Maybe it is because I don't care to understand Sir's side of a situation whether he is right or wrong. I simply want to be heard.
It certainly would be more courteous of me to at least truly listen and try to understand Sir's thoughts, before responding. Maybe, just maybe that is the starting point for us.

 So I then saw this quote that spoke to me. Perhaps in the desire and attempt to change TTWD for us, so that it is more effective and meaningful for us both but particularly me, I need to go within my heart and find out why TTWD is so important to me, what is it that I want from a TTWD lifestyle besides the spanking part.. ok that was hard to admit but it is what it is ladies. I think to answer that question will take a bit more reflection. So perhaps I will save that for my next post.

Getting back into the swing of things here in blogland, I am reminded by many that this weekend is this year's.....

And so...  welcome.. any and all new and old bloggers to stop by and say a quick hello if you wish.

This blogland thing is often challenging, but what it really is.. is an opportunity to make new friends with others who have the same fears, concerns and questions about TTWD. While there are occasional tears and frustration shared here, more often than not, there is fun, and laughter found here and a sense of belonging. I invite you to pull up a chair here and feel free to leave a comment if you wish. I would welcome the opportunity to meet new bloggers or just answer a question or two if you would like. Until next time... I am truly thankful for my blogland friends. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where my steps lead me.

Feeling Lost.

So... I will keep this post short. I feel lost. I feel disconnected. So many bloggers have left, some new one's have arrived. I apparently do not know where to find a "current listing" of all of our bloggers

and so there are some that I would like to follow but don't know how to reach them anymore.

I feel my own blog has dropped off the planet and I certainly can understand why due to the infrequency of my writing. I just am not certain I really have anything much to offer or that anyone

is really reading anymore.

I started blogging initially to help me sort through all of my feelings after discovering TTWD.

Amazingly, I found a great group of ladies that were supportive and I felt like I belonged. Many shared good feedback and support. Some of those folks are now gone and I miss the friendship found

here.

I am sorta stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to share if anyone is interested , but then again it's kinda  like taking baby steps backward in time and I am nervous with so many new bloggers here that I need to get to know.

So while I know it has been said in the past that we should not promote our own blog, I would like to put it out there, if anyone is willing to provide me with your blogging site info, I would welcome a list so that I can clean up my current listing that I think is old and start afresh. Anyone interested

in helping me start a clean slate?

Harsh words, Hidden anger, Silence = "Spanking and meaningful conversation."

Ok. This is me yesterday evening. Doesn't look good does it?

So..... It has been a hard week for us. Work has been great but challenging. Last night, one thing led to another and well tempers flew and I spoke my mind and even though I felt 100% certain that I was right, the manner in which I came across was disrespectful. Silence then ensued as we got through the night. I didn't want to discuss anything. I wanted to stew about what had happened. Oh sure, we kind of both joked about what happened, Sir on the lighter note, me however took it all to heart and only became more angrier as I continued to keep my thoughts inside my head. The short ride home was spent with Sir making normal conversation as I sat in total sullen silence.

We are home, I am upstairs changing for bed, ready to get into our cozy warm bed and unwind.
I suddenly hear Sir say... are you over the bed? Huh? I NEVER heard him say that and now he is acting as though of course he did. I said.. No!!! No I am not. I am tired and just want to relax.
SILENCE.  Good I thought. Just maybe he will get the message I am really P----d off and he will leave me alone. NOT. Sir comes into the bedroom and says.. I told you over the bed now. I said.. Really? You have to be kidding me.  He said.. Do I look like I am kidding? I have the means to be sure you end up over the bed so let's go now.  He "ripped" really pulled the covers back. I didn't move.
Sir walked to the corner of the room and picked up the following item.

Not another word. Well of course that was not going to stop me, until.... yep Sir started smacking me with the HOH stick, I tried to cover my butt with my hands and SMACK!!! Right on my hand. Sir said.. I would advise you to move your hands and put down your phone. Turn over right now. You need this more than you know. Reluctantly, I turned over and accepted my fate, tears were right there not because I was sorry, but because deep down I was still angry and felt he was being unfair. Sir finished up, and said that should give you something to sleep on. He got into bed. I attempted to turn away but no... Sir wrapped his arms around me and said he loved me and that I was to settle down and get some sleep. Normally when we are like this, I am to stirred up to sleep, but not last night. I slept hard but I did keep dreaming the same dream over and over again, replaying what had happened. I was still angry. Morning finally arrived. I got up and showered. I felt like I was in a really bad mood and that is never good when you still have one very long day ahead. I got out of the shower, dried off and saw Sir sitting on the bed. I came to him with the intent of at least getting off my mind what had happened and to see if we could clear the air. I am not sure what happened when I got to Sir but what I said next floored me. Sir said.. do you need something? I said yes. I need you to help me clear the air. I need a reset. Sir stared at me intently. He said.. really? You think so? After all the disrespect shown last night? Well little lady, don't you worry. I am already prepared to do just that. And out he pulls............

Yes, the dreaded leather strap. I think you are healing well enough and I am capable of making my point without injuring you further. Over the bed now.

Ok. So I am not over Sir's lap, but am over the bed as this supports me better at this time. And with that Sir started to spank. And me......

Yep, those tears were right there. I was angry, hurt, frustrated and now about to be spanked. Sir provided the first 4-5 smacks and they definitely hurt. I just soaked them in. I tried to put aside my angry thoughts and find more meaningful thoughts to focus on. I asked Sir to stop for a moment and asked if he would please talk to me. He said.. sure. Lay back down. He started to spank. He also started to talk about his side of what he felt had happened. I was strongly disagreeing in my head as he continued to spank and the swats were getting more intense. I finally lashed out what my thoughts were with the situation. Brave of me with a bare bottom and a Sir with a leather strap in his hand. But.. I told him exactly why I was upset as I cried. Sir kept spanking and adding little comments in.

Once I let it all out, and accepted the spanking.. I could hear his words of his side of the story and realized that he had a much deeper message and intent for speaking to me yesterday evening than I had realized. I missed the message because I let my assumptions and quick temper flare up and then continued to build upon those feelings through the night and into this morning. I saw my mistake for what it was whether I was right or wrong really was irrelevant. Sir still expects respects at all times regardless if we are alone or with others. Now he was going to spank because of my disrespect.
And so.... he did. And yes, it hurt and still hurts as I sit here. But.. I am calm. I am thoughtful in my response to Sir here at work. Most importantly, I know he heard me and I heard him. Now, we can move ahead.

And so..... I need to remain mindful who is the leader in our home, in our business. I may have to remind myself many times as my temper often flares and gets in the way. Sir says we are moving ahead with TTWD as it has been way too long and he will not be tolerating a sassy wife.

So there you have it ladies. I only hope I can keep things in check and continue to move ahead and be the wife he expects, desires and deserves me to be.