New look, New changes, New life

A very big thank you to all of you that responded to yesterday's post. What a difference a day can make.
I made a decision to try to freshen up my blog site and at the same time after visiting some of your
sites again, I was able to delete some very old blogs that actually were no longer active and I believe
I was able to update my blog roll with current bloggers that should make things a bit easier moving
forward.
So with that, please pull up a chair and stay awhile won't you?

 So what I really wish is that I could have friendships in this lifestyle that really were like being in real life time. I would love to have one or more of you over to pull up a chair and sit down and talk
about TTWD over coffee, tea or a cappuccino whichever you prefer.

I love all of these warm drinks particularly at this time of the year. I find them very comforting.

This is how I imagine myself looking these days. Alone, thinking things over in my head about TTWD and are Sir and I really doing TTWD? Or.. are we just doing what we have always done throughout our lifetime. Does it really matter or not? Well apparently somewhere deep down inside of me it does matter. Why is it so important for me to "define" TTWD? That's a challenging question at best. If you were to ask Sir about this process, he see's no issues at all, and is just fine with how things are going although he would appreciate a bit more cooperation from me particularly in my conversations, my tone, & my argumentative attitude. Ok. I can accept that statement. But.. I thought that  is what TTWD really was about, to help alleviate those things that your partner could do without right? In our home we have never set boundaries or rules per se... Sir just takes action as he see's fit and sometimes for no apparent reason other than the fact "he can" as I was told last night.

Me... I need discussions, boundaries, rules and consequences in order to improve. Clearly we have differences of opinion on how TTWD works for us. Sir tells me I "overthink" things way too much for his liking. Inside my head I think and feel that he just doesn't want to talk things out in the same way I do. Is it worth it to rock the boat and try to get Sir to see things from my perspective? Not sure about that one right now.

So I constantly feel I am being pulled this way, or that way or another way whenever I read about TTWD in general, or even when I read blogs from all of you. I do my best to not compare but reality is I do. And in doing so, I feel less confident each day that Sir and I have a TTWD relationship.
Just admitting that alone brings me sadness. Now don't misunderstand me here.. Spankings in our household have been going on for a very long time. GG spankings, playful spankings, erotic spankings, extremely rare if ever are discipline spankings. I should be grateful right? At least Sir has always been willing to deliver on the much needed and deeply craved spanking part regardless of the reasons. But here in lies the issue I believe. My mind has not accepted that Sir is ok with this as things are, but I, on the other hand, feels there has to be more to TTWD. Sadly, I believe it is the lack of communication that we do not have with regards to this issue. I feel if I were to persist in trying to get my thoughts across, it would push Sir away and we might lose what we already have. I am not certain if I am getting my thoughts out here in a way that any of you can relate to, but I am doing my best.

I saw this quote today, and I think it sums things up from my perspective. I am not a very good listener and am always thinking of what I am going to say to Sir whenever he is speaking to me.
It is not a good quality to have hence I believe is the reason we can find ourselves in a heated argument in 2.5 seconds or less over the simplest of things. Maybe it is because I don't care to understand Sir's side of a situation whether he is right or wrong. I simply want to be heard.
It certainly would be more courteous of me to at least truly listen and try to understand Sir's thoughts, before responding. Maybe, just maybe that is the starting point for us.

 So I then saw this quote that spoke to me. Perhaps in the desire and attempt to change TTWD for us, so that it is more effective and meaningful for us both but particularly me, I need to go within my heart and find out why TTWD is so important to me, what is it that I want from a TTWD lifestyle besides the spanking part.. ok that was hard to admit but it is what it is ladies. I think to answer that question will take a bit more reflection. So perhaps I will save that for my next post.

Getting back into the swing of things here in blogland, I am reminded by many that this weekend is this year's.....

And so...  welcome.. any and all new and old bloggers to stop by and say a quick hello if you wish.

This blogland thing is often challenging, but what it really is.. is an opportunity to make new friends with others who have the same fears, concerns and questions about TTWD. While there are occasional tears and frustration shared here, more often than not, there is fun, and laughter found here and a sense of belonging. I invite you to pull up a chair here and feel free to leave a comment if you wish. I would welcome the opportunity to meet new bloggers or just answer a question or two if you would like. Until next time... I am truly thankful for my blogland friends. I will just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where my steps lead me.