No.... I didn't fall off of a cliff!!!

Yes I know. It has been more than a few weeks since you have head from my neck of the woods.
And no... I didn't fall off of a cliff. Life just happens as most of you know. March was extremely busy for us business wise which is a good thing. Unfortunately though.... Sir and I got sick at the same exact time and it lasted 3 weeks. I guess the positive here was we were both too sick to pick on one another and we managed to take care of one another and actually lived to tell about it!!! In the meantime.....

Yes, after an extremely frigid and miserable winter, we now are enjoying more pleasant weather, temps are in the 50's and 60's and occasionally the 70's. Yippee.... and yes the grass is getting green, the flowers are starting to pop up and the trees and shrubs are budding out. It is refreshing.

And just as there is a change in seasons, we are continuing to change and grow on our TTWD journey.

So the above picture used to be on my computer screen at my old retired job. I had so many staff members that were constantly complaining and disgruntled. It was frustrating. So I had this on my screen for their benefit and to keep myself sane as I handled crisis after crisis. I came across it the other day and placed it on my computer screen here at our business. It reminds me to keep my "attitude" in check since that is the number one issue with Sir and myself. And while I am certain he would agree that there has been some positive improvements, I still have a ways to go yet to get where he would like me to be. I am working on it though I can assure all of you on that one. I am finally reaching the point that I understand Meredith when she says it is about pleasing her Jack and keeping the peace.

I do like that feeling as well, and I know Sir appreciates the effort being made. Now don't get me wrong here. There have been many trips OTK or OTB in March with Sir proving his point.

Sir spanks, I deal with finding myself in this position and Sir explains how I could best not find myself in this position.

So most of you already know what our paddle looks like, but I saw this one and had to share it as just very recently Sir said these same EXACT words while pulling our wooden paddle from his drawer.

He now knows how much I detest the wooden paddle. And over the past 6 weeks it has been his "go to" arsenal every time. I must say..... I am very responsive to this implement. I DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL!!!!!!!  But you know what is happening? Yes.... we are growing closer together, we are laughing more and we both know our roles in this relationship. We do a lot more of this.......

Which definitely leads to much more of this....

Well... we don't look as young as these lovebirds but I'll bet we have just as much fun if not more.....

It may not be a big thing to any of you, but just this past week we got to travel for business reasons, and were gone for 2 whole days leaving our son in charge. Now prior to our departure I wondered about the details of the trip but I managed not to question Sir and he surprised me with handling all of the details for our stay away from home. We had an absolutely wonderful time. I had initially thought I might talk about TTWD  with him during our driving time but we were having so much fun being silly and laughing that I just let it go..... No discussion was needed. I knew what he expected and I made sure I was on my best behavior. Not that there were not a few "implied" comments between the two of us but all in good fun and understanding.

We arrived back home and after unpacking and taking care of the details so we could return to work today, we both ran into each other in the hallway. Sir said... I had fun, how about you? I shook my head. It was a short trip, but the first one we had been on in 4 years since starting our business. We had enjoyed a great time. Part of me was sad it had to end so quickly, but I was in agreement.. there is truly no place like home. As we settled into bed for the night, Sir asked me a question, I guess I didn't hear him correctly and my response was not at all to his liking. I was already snuggled into the bed with the covers over me when suddenly he pulled those covers back, pulled up my nightgown and gave me a short but very firm hand spanking. Then he said... don't ever forget who is in charge around here. You did a great job while we were away, but now that we are back I can see you need a quick reminder of expectations. Yes, yes I did. I went to sleep with a soundly spanked bottom and my heart full of love for this man of mine. I slept soundly and awoke refreshed and deeply in love and appreciative for the wonderful man I am married to.

Update... 2 steps forward and 10 steps backward

 So... February has been a time in our house to work on listening and doing what has been asked with an improved attitude. What has really happened? Sad to say... I have been soundly spanked at least daily and on occasion more than once in the same day.

Yep, this is me. (wished I looked this good) either found myself over Sir's lap, bent over the bed, bent over the table, bent over the chair, bent over the kitchen sink and yes.. bent over my car. What is so unusual about this? Sir has suddenly taken off and is acting quickly and decisively with any behavior that is not to his liking. One minute things seem to be just fine, the next, I will see "the look" followed by a quick order to bring him an implement and bend over.

So I have faced the penalty for ongoing failure to comply with Sir's expectations even if I didn't necessarily realize what I was doing. Well ok.. in hindsight relooking at most situations after the fact I could see where I went wrong.

Once again, sassiness, raised voice, no response at all to Sir and his questions, oops.. ( shhhh name calling on one occasion) not being thoughtful or responsive to his requests, argumentative and just plain being stubborn and hot tempered has landed me in these situations and justifiably so.

The above Items I have been on the receiving end way too many times this month. Sir now has me get him the implement that he will use and bring it to him. I used to think that was odd when I read about that in books, not so much so now. There is a humbling and reflective attitude that comes in doing so that speaks volumes to me. One such incident I asked Sir to explain "why" he was spanking.
His answer.. " Because it is in your best interest and I will let the spanking speak for itself. When I am done I am quite certain there will be no question left in your mind what the issue was and what will be expected of you moving forward" Are we both clear on this? Well what does one say to that exactly?

So while I am certain I have many things to continue working on... it is my mouth that gets me in trouble every single time. I don't know yet when to stop speaking, stop arguing and simply do as I am told. I do find when I purposefully practice simply saying "yes sir" things go oh so much better, but I really have to work very hard at this. So rather than grasp at all the many things I am sure I need to work on.. the first is to control my responses and my conversations. Yes...this involves listening to Sir and accepting his leadership without feeling I have to add my 2 cents into every conversation.

So, I continue to struggle with watching "my tone" If any of you other ladies struggle with this same issue, I would welcome your feedback as to the things you do to stay in check and out of hot water.

As for right now, there are only two ways in our house that work. The right way which pleases Sir, and the wrong way which I tend to do most days even though I am working hard to improve here.

Despite some very heated discussions in our home this month and not to mention a very frequently heated and sore bottom, we are slowly finding our way here through TTWD. It's hard I won't lie.
Relinquishing control is very hard when you are a strong willed person like myself. I will keep trying, & I will persevere because I do want Sir to be happy and I want us to  succeed with TTWD.
And so.... Listening, communicating and accepting consequences are where we are at this time.
And on a brighter note....

 Spring is officially 4 weeks ahead. Something to look forward to after this bitterly cold and snowy winter. I don't know about you, but I, for one, am looking forward to a change in the season.

In the meantime, I will try very hard to behave and stay out of trouble. Wish me luck on that one!!

Sir's thoughts on marriage

So yesterday, I am busily working away on my computer taking care of work things, and Sir is sitting behind me reading the newspaper. Suddenly he shared with me a thought he had after reviewing how many marriage licenses had been issued and how many marriage dissolutions had been awarded. Humm he says.. very sad. Only 1 marriage license issued but 43 couples are now divorced. That is so sad and there is a way that in most instances would resolve most marriages from failing. My ears went up. I was in "listening mode"

Sir went on.. I think all couples should be required to attend a class where the men are taught what it is to lead in  their homes and ladies are taught how to be submissive to their husbands. All it takes is one simple ruler. I would have the men write their name at the bottom of the ruler in permanent marker. They would then pass the ruler to their partner and the ladies would be told to write their name on the ruler at the opposite end and return the ruler to their men.
He goes on to say as the instructor he would then tell the ladies in the class to stand up, face the table, pull down their panties and bend over the table.

While he is certain they would protest and ask many questions, they would be reminded to do as they are told and they would soon learn the reason why. Next, men would be told to stand up & pick up their ruler and place their hand on the end where they had signed their name. They would then be told to take 3 steps back and firmly swing smacking the bare bottom of their lady with the end that they had signed making sure to leave a lasting impression on their bottoms and leaving no question in the ladies minds as to who would be in charge of their home moving ahead.
Wow!  I just started giggling... well pretty much out right laughing. I looked at Sir and while he chuckled along with my laughter, suddenly he grew silent and said he really wasn't kidding. I stopped laughing and continued to listen. He said if more couples started their relationships out in this manner there would definitely be less turmoil and much more happiness in their homes after all it has worked for us hasn't it? Well.. yes I quietly said. "I can't hear you he said." I looked him in the eyes and said "yes sir, it has." Good he says, that's what I thought. See it is very simple really. Men lead, ladies are to follow. It's not that hard. If ladies make it hard, well that's their choice. Men have the means and capability to take matters into their own hands and resolve those issues. With that he got up to take care of some work in another room leaving me to think over this conversation.

I felt as though I had just experienced a revelation into what Sir really does think about TTWD all without me having to hold an "official conversation" It is perfectly clear to me that what we have been doing for all of these many years has been intentional at least on his part even though neither one of us knew there was an "official term" for TTWD. Sir is a "natural" born HOH. How lucky am I really? The rest of our day went well until we were leaving for the night. It had snowed all day, and as we were clearing the truck for our departure, I thought I had done what was needed so I hopped inside to get warm. Sir gets inside and says, "get back out and check that windshield wiper and be sure it is not stuck to the window." Well my halo fell off as I snapped back, "it's not stuck to the window, I just brushed away some of the fluffiest snow ever. We are good." Silence. I looked over at Sir and he had leaned over real close to me. He said.. "what was that?" I repeated myself quite huffily. He then said very quietly... I don't think that was the right response. I wasn't asking you your opinion, I was telling you to check the windshield wiper so we are good to go. Am I not making myself clear?  I stopped suddenly. Yes, he was now perfectly clear now that he had my attention. I got back out and did as he asked and while the wiper was not stuck, I had checked it as asked and we were ready to head home. Lesson learned.

On to this morning. I awoke early on purpose to take care of some things before the next storm hits us today as we would not be getting home until late. In the process, I locked myself out of the house while Sir was in the shower. I was in my bathrobe and slippers and it was quite cold outside. I found the spare keys in the garage and was able to let myself back in. By then though I was rattled, frustrated and getting rather sassy. Sir asked me what I had been doing. Well... the flood gates opened.

Never a good thing when this happens as not only will I relay my current displeasure but always manage to add a thing or to that really has no relevance to the current situation. Sir listened as he continued to get ready for the day. Occasionally adding a comment or two and laughing a bit. He asked if I had learned something here. Yes I said all not to nicely. "Be very sure you have a spare key. "
He says.. "try again" looking at me quite intently. Suddenly I became quiet. Ummm, perhaps not going outside of the house in my bathrobe and slippers in the snow and cold? Yes he said. No apologies or anything like he was sorry that had happened to me or anything. I turned and walked into the bedroom and proceeded to get ready. Already undressed, I heard Sir enter the room and turned to look at him.

There he stood with his HOH stick. I now hate this arts and crafts project he had me make last year.
Quietly he said.. put your hands in front of you and bend over the bed now. I looked at him and said "I don't think that's necessary. I haven't done anything wrong really, in fact I am the one that is having a hard morning." Uh-huh he says, and that is exactly why you are finding yourself in this situation. Now do as I say right now. Over the bed I went and he definitely put some swing behind that stick. After he had done what was needed he stopped. I thought I was ok, but when I came up I just couldn't stop myself from flailing my hands. Back over he orders me. Apparently you didn't receive or accept my actions. Your being very defiant right now. Oh goodness. Nothing I said was changing his mind. So back over I went and he started over again. When he was done, he asked if I was ready to start the day over again with a fresh attitude. "Yes sir" I simply said. I finished getting ready but noted in the bathroom mirror that my bottom had many bright red marks across it. I came into the bedroom and told Sir what I had noted. All Sir said was good. My message I expect has been received. Yes Sir it has. And so... what a week I have had. Working on listening and learning what TTWD looks like for us. As we drove into work, I reflected upon the several things I had learned over the past two days. I was feeling appreciative for Sir's guidance. I turned to him and thanked him for his insight and help over the past two days. He said.. you are very welcome Whatever it takes to help you.
I truly love my Sir.

Hiding out and then Break through......

After my first post of 2017, this is me. I sort of went into my hiding place. I needed some space and time to think things through. I thought I had communicated effectively some of my concerns but honestly felt that some that responded were frustrated and so naturally going into my defensive mode... I felt hurt and shut down. I have since then given careful thought to those responses and also spent some time in quiet reflection.

This is me with nearly every conversation that Sir and I have. Really you say? Yes. Our conversations almost always end with me saying just this. I feel like Sir is yelling at me with his responses but if you were to ask him, he says he is simply having a discussion. How can two people be so much on opposite ends of a conversation and feel so differently about what has transpired?

So I have read over and over again how important communication is with TTWD.  We do not have such good communication. Or rather from Sir's perspective... there is no respectful communication.
I thought about that statement for awhile and today.... I carefully asked Sir if he had a moment to answer a few short questions. And he did, and here is what I learned from listening to his responses.
My question was simple.... Please tell me what Respectful Communication means to you.
His response... "Accepting the answer I give you is final"  Goodness. I had to swallow hard there.
Guilty as charged. I can truthfully say that no matter what we are discussing, large or small issues, I always have to have the last say. I got a bit teary eyed as he said this very matter of fact like. I felt like a devine revelation had just been sent my way. I then asked.. Sir how can you tell whether respectful communication is going on between us. Sir responds simply.. body language & tone.

You mean like this? I think in my head..... or perhaps this......

How many times in our 40+ year relationship have I heard Sir say this to me and I just keep ignoring him? Sadly more times than I care to admit to.

Then I found this saying.... very appropriate. It's not necessarily been about our differences with our conflicts but more like the wrong tone of voice that is used in handling these conflicts. Just a quick thought here as I process this statement.. I am more likely to be guilty of this.. but what happens when you believe your HOH is also guilty of this? I asked Sir this question and he does not feel in most instances he is guilty. He states that once he raises his voice it is because I have tuned him out and am not responding to his statement. Humm. so two wrongs do not make a right I am thinking.... but I stay silent to learn a bit more.

So just as I am thinking through this information, Sir says... it is not what you are saying to me it is

your tone of voice and how you are saying it that is the issue. More information for me to think about. Right now I am really practicing active listening skills here.

Then I find this little reminder.... I think the picture is becoming ever so clear to me now. 65% of what is perceived in a conversation comes from non verbal cues we are sending whether intentional or not. Ok I buy that and am willing to admit that maybe 50% of the time my non-verbal cues are intentional as I am frustrated, but to be fair, there is probably 50% of the time when I may not be aware that I am providing negative non-verbal cues that Sir does not appreciate.

As I continue to think about what Sir has just said..my thoughts are interrupted with this statement from him. If you are to be submissive, you can not be the boss. You must be open to hear what is being said and not try to change my mind."  Oh my.. those were some of the most powerful words I have heard in a very long time.

Ok. So now I am feeling emotional. So I simply thanked him for answering my questions but now

I need to remain calm and think things through. I truly felt this less then 10 minute talk we had gave me so much information to process.

Ok. I picked this picture just because Meredith frequently recommends "leaning in" I think I now understand what she means here, side note here.. wished we looked as young as this couple!!

So today this was a good conversation for us and went well because I purposefully practiced every good listening skill I had and managed to keep my mouth closed.

So I will need much help in the upcoming weeks to practice the art of keeping my mouth closed and my ears open in order to learn a bit more about Sir's preferences.

Saw this today and felt it was most appropriate. Interesting to note that communication and trust are listed here as one of many things that help make a happy marriage. Thought you might enjoy this saying as well.

Ok... so while I have been quiet for awhile, of course playful, silly little spankings are still occurring in our house. We, too, of course have a croc pot full of wonderful cooking utensils and the one above is Sir's most favorite to grab when in reach. Recently after a quick little session in the kitchen I asked Sir why did he always have to grab this one? He stopped and said with the most serious of all expressions.. it's quite simple.. this has weight, width, length and most importantly.. "swingability"
Is that even a word I wondered. Anyway.. just thought I would share that laughable moment with all of you even at the expense of a sore bottom for the day.

So to end this post, my goal for at least this week is to watch my "tone of voice as well as my body language." I know it won't be easy after a lifetime of doing what I have been doing. Since Sir and I don't typically sit down for official conversations as some of you might do, I may just find some of the answers I may be looking for just asking thoughtful questions when the time is right.
If you have made it to the end of this long post without falling asleep I appreciate your staying with me. As always I welcome your feedback if you relate to these same issues.

New Year 2017 !!

Well I realize I am 6 days late in getting started with my 2017 posts. It was a wild and crazy time the entire month of December and into New Year's Eve. I do want to start out saying Happy New Year to all of you and I wish all of you a healthy, happy and loving New Year.

I do not do resolutions as I am very poor at keeping them. I do want to set a goal for this year now that I actually have time to give attention to meeting any set goal I may have. I have been giving much thought as to what this goal will be as I want for it to have meaning and growth for me.

I have decided to do my best in following my husband's lead whether I am in agreement or not. That is going to be a very hard one to meet as I just can not seem to keep my thoughts to myself which very frequently leads to arguments. Apparently, what I am able to get from him is that this is a very
important issue for him. He truly expects me to do as I am asked without question. Now that doesn't mean that we can not discuss issues, but for the majority of the time, he really, really does not like it when I have to add my two cents in every conversation.

 So I have tried for over 4 years now to explain why I feel a domestic discipline relationship would benefit us. I think the problem is how my husband views this and how I think it should look along with the fact that I read too many books and I am wondering if I have a "fantasy" idea going on in my head about this whole DD situation. Perhaps this is why I at times do not feel he understands.
Most of you that have been following me know that we have had some kind of spanking going on in our home since we were dating in high school. Now married 40 + years it is still going on but not in the manner that I am craving or feel it should be. You also know that hubby is not much of a talker, or if he does, he is limited in his explanations as he feels there is not much to discuss really, he just does what he does when he feels it is necessary which in some cases can lead me to believe he is playing a game for kicks and grins and not for the objective of improving our relationship.
I sent him a "brief" email from me trying to once again spell things out and asked for him to take the lead here, he has yet to acknowledge he has read it, but I know he probably has. So what's a gal to do at this point? I am not unhappy, I am feeling lost and left out from what I think should be going on.

Ok. So hubby acts like he knows his role just fine, and really doesn't care to discuss it. I am certain I
need help in knowing and understanding my role and being held accountable but I can't seem to get him to see it in this same way. I have asked for his help, but I don't see that he really follows through with correcting behaviors and issues he really doesn't like and would benefit us both if these things were corrected. I think I am just about done trying to explain it to him as it seems like I am pushing him away each time I bring things up for discussion.

Ok. So he is suppose to be the HOH right? In most cases I would say he is and for that I am grateful. Of course there are times when I want to argue issues and have my way. I don't usually win those arguments but we are both miserable and just shut down and this could be resolved following a true DD relationship I believe.

I wish we could just sit down and talk this out, but the fact is.. hubby just isn't the talking kind.
I want to clearly know his expectations and be held accountable so that I can be the woman he really wants me to be. Things have gotten to the point where this is what I think about a good portion of my day and sometimes it makes me sad that we can't just simply sit down and talk this over and make a plan to move ahead in some kind of official  manner. Then again, sometimes actions speak louder than words and maybe that is the approach that is needed but I am doubtful I will get there on my own or after 40+ years I would already be there right? So.....  am not sure where we are headed at this time. I do know I am feeling frustrated with what my perception of what I want and expect and what is really happening in our home. I would welcome any words of wisdom to help me get a handle on how I am feeling and or how to better approach my husband so the lines of communication can be
opened up and we can move ahead. I hope that it is not a lost cause at this time. I look forward to any and all feedback.