Freaking out, Talking, Pay the Price, Leaning in....

I am a bit delayed in posting recently just due to the "business of life" I am sure all of you know how these things can occur from time to time. I continue to read blogs when I can and often "think" about these blogs for awhile and what I can learn from them.
Meredith from: New Twist, after all these years, always posts subjects that seem to be affecting me at the same time often leaving me with much to think about.

This is me... Freaking out. Not just occasionally, but more like at least once a day and sometimes more frequently depending on how tired or stressed out I may be. This is a "nice" picture of someone freaking out. I am certain I look far worse than this and most likely sound even worse. Freaking out at my house will typically lead to arguments with myself and Sir as I loose all sense of time and reality wanting to "be heard" This is an ongoing issue for me and for Sir. It also does not typically end well for me. I am like a run away freight train barreling down the track headed for disaster. Now I know I have this flaw. Certainly Sir knows I have this flaw and I CLEARLY know how he feels about this behavior and yet..... I can not seem to control myself despite the many times I have found myself over the bed with Sir making his feelings well known. How many of you have an issue about yourself that you know needs to change but for some reason you just can not quite make that happen? Or if you do, what steps are you taking to help yourself make the necessary changes? Please fill me in......
Meredith asks about talking your way out of a spanking. Well... guilty as  charged. Lately I find myself constantly trying to talk my way out of a spanking regardless of the reason that Sir feels the need to deliver one. I am not sure what is going on here with this. Somehow, I think it has to do with power and control. That's probably a dangerous slope to be on. I mean after all, Sir is to lead and I am to follow right?

 Problem you say? Yes. This is me... ALL the time. Always standing with my hands on my hips as I am talking. Now that I look closer at this picture it does looks pretty "sassy" wouldn't you agree?
Certainly not at all respectful particularly if one is trying to make a case for not getting spanked. In our house, spankings occur when Sir determines they are necessary and most of the time he does not announce them, he just puts me over his lap or tells me over the bed which is never a good thing and a quite awkward position to try and talk your way out of something. Sir spanks, and most of the time once he is done, I am no longer in the mood to further discuss if it was necessary or not. By this time Sir has made his feelings clearly known on my rear end. Sometimes though, and this can be days or weeks later, the subject will resurface and that can be a good time to talk about whatever the issue was because I am not in the heat of the moment and then I am willing to listen to Sir's reason. 

Always a good rule to remember. It's the willingness part of simply obeying in the moment whether you are in agreement or not. Why or why is this so hard to get a handle on? Again.. two things come to mind.... power and control. Most of you will recall I retired at the end of January this year after a 35 year career in which I made many life and death decisions and was given a significant amount of power and control. I didn't think much about that then or how it was ultimately affecting our relationship. Now we are working together 24/7 and it is perfectly obvious to me that I have an issue with this. After all.. there can only be one Chief and several Indians so to speak. Their should only be one Leader in the home with one willing to follow. Again.. I clearly struggle with this issue.

I suppose all I can really say here is.... yes sir, I do need to be spanked. Sometimes it is THE ONLY way to catch my attention. Sir has no problems with providing this service.

While Sir's spankings definitely are not gentle, they do serve as a reminder that he is strong, capable, a leader in our home and that he cares enough and loves me enough to keep me on the right path and ultimately keeps peace in our home. That then is when I lean in real close, and while I may have tears, I am thankful for this man of mine.