Just how much does Sir know? Warning..Rambling post

Cute right? This is my newest fur ever cat that I adopted February 14th. His name is Baxter. He is quite the lover and a handful. Sir says just like me. Humm. Now what does THAT mean exactly.
Notice anything else in this photo? Let's take a closer look shall we? Now what we have here is a
perfectly innocent picture of Baxter's play toy. A mouse that dangles from the end of a very flexible bendable stick. He loves it. I did too, until... Sir picked this up on Sunday afternoon, whipped it around a couple of times through the air. What a whooshing sound it made. He asked if I thought it sounded like a willow stick. Well.. now that you mention it, I suppose it does. Next he says.... "Turn around" giving that all knowing serious look. Really?, I am thinking in my head. Oh well, how bad could this toy really hurt anyway? So I turn around and he quickly flicked his wrist. Yes I said flicked his wrist, not much of a swing,  and with one fell swoop that plastic stick struck the bottom of my rear end and I don't know who yells louder, me or the cat. I mean ladies, that item brought tears to my eyes and I was silenced. Sir then says with a smile.. "See? Most any item in my hand could be a new implement of choice. I rather think I like this one!" Me.... DEFINITELY not. Especially when he assures me "just imagine what this would feel like on your bare bottom and not through jeans." Well.. I would really rather not imagine if you don't mind.

Me. All me. Every bit me. Sassy, Sassy and more Sassy. In fact my name could be Ms. Sassy Pants!
I ALWAYS have to put my two cents, ok maybe a few dollars worth of input in. I will not be quiet until I have said what I intended to say whether asked or not.
I apparently have a "tone" that Sir frequently picks up on that really irritates him to no end  and that is probably putting it mildly.  Let's be honest ladies... when we respond back to our men, I am guessing we really are very much aware of just how we really sound, but we say what we say anyway and worry about the consequences later right? Then there are those times when we think we are making a simple response and BAM!!! Right out of the blue.... we are reprimanded for our "tone." This conversation occurs in our house sadly on a daily basis. I have been told time and time again to "watch my tone" " Your getting sassy young lady" " I would stop where your at if I were you." Now just exactly how many warnings does a gal need to stop with the "tone?" Well I guess in my case, many a warnings go unheeded.
Fast forward to Sunday night. Sir has me undress. I am thinking... yes. We are going to have some fun lovin' time and I sure could use the attention. What does Sir say?
"Get on your knees and do not move." Whooooa there. Did he just say what I thought he said? Sure. I have been on my knees before but never under a direct command. He told me I needed to move quicker. So.. down on my knees I went. He simply stayed sitting on the side of the bed. In less than 5 minutes I was already getting fidgety. Sir simply said. "I want you to be still." I started to explain to him how uncomfortable I was getting. He continued to look at me. Finally he said. "I could make this much more uncomfortable for you. I could have you kneeling on a rough mat or on pebbles, now THAT young lady would be uncomfortable wouldn't you agree?" I was truly silenced. Now, Sir is saying things that I have read about in blogs and in some of the fictional spanking stories I have read but I have never, ever discussed those stories with him. For those of you that follow my blog, you probably recall that I have shared many times Sir really does not read much. So if this is so.. HOW in the world does he know these things? My thoughts are interrupted with Sir discussing that "being punished is not suppose to be comfortable" My mind did a complete 180 turn. Sir also does not spank for punishment. What is he saying here? He then asks if I am familiar with having to kneel for periods of time to reflect? Am I also familiar with kneeling on rough mats to reinforce the punishment? I nearly lied. My mind went to these two pictures I had in my mind from what I had read.

   Neither one of these two mats seem very appealing right now or ever, for that matter. In fact, I am not happy I am still kneeling here on this carpet. I attempt to grab a pillow and this is promptly taken away by Sir. "Need I tell you one more time, you are being punished and you may not have a pillow." Now, I am beginning to wonder just what is going on here with my Sir?  Next he says.. "in 5 minutes you are to get up and find a corner and stand there until I tell you, you may come out." Really?

Yep, again, just like I have read about. My heart is fluttering and my mind is racing. How does he know about this? Am I going to be able to do as I am told? Sir is continuing to stare at me. "I bet your wondering right now, how I know these things right?" All I could do was shake my head yes. Sir said
"All men who can take charge of their women, know these things. It's not rocket science you know. I know just exactly what a naughty young lady needs to get back on track. It's just common sense really." Sir then says. " what I expect from you right now while you are here on your knees and soon to be in the corner.. is for you to STOP wondering how do I know things, and start thinking about your sassy attitude and your sassy mouth and what you need to do to stop with this behavior."  Time is up. Thankfully, Sir is kind enough still to help me up off the floor. He then tells me.. "go to the corner and stand there until I tell you to come out." Ha... now this is so much easier I thought. I am not so uncomfortable.  I could probably do this a long time. Get the picture here yet ladies? I am STILL NOT focused on my behavior. The time drags on. Sir is watching something on TV. Now I am getting irritated. I am getting cold.  I mean here in my neck of the woods, it is still cold at night. I still sleep with a flannel shirt and socks and under piles of blankets and comforters. And the time drags on.

I can hear the clock ticking away. I can hear one TV show ending and another starting. I am getting fidgety once again. I heard Sir sigh. He said... " come over here now." The TV goes off.  I walk over to his side of the bed where he is pointing. He said.. " bend over the bed now" Those words are not usually good words. I don't even get to be over his lap where I much prefer to be. Sir interrupts my thoughts and says.. "I want to assure you this will not be a GG spanking." I said.. what do you mean? He says.. "oh you know, Good Girl spankings, Bad Girl spankings." Do I know? Well yes of course I do. Again, I read, he does not. I am familiar with the "lingo" I didn't think Sir was. Once again he points to the bed and says "bend over and stay there."  I hear his dresser drawer open where he keeps the implements. I turn my head to see which one he is choosing. Frankly, neither one that he keeps there is going to be a good choice. Sir sees me looking and tells me... "This is all my choice you understand that right?" Yes Sir, I said. Sir said... "this is what happens when naughty young ladies who have a Sassy mouth are insistent on NOT listening to what they are being told. They are spanked good and hard so that you will have something to think about for the next several hours. Perhaps the next time I give you a warning, you will remember this night and act accordingly."

With that, Sir used the dreaded leather strap. I honestly can not remember the last time he has spanked so hard. My bottom was on fire. I was definitely sorry I had not heeded any prior warnings.
I was now focused for sure on what he was concerned with. My sassy attitude and sassy mouth.
Sir interrupts these thoughts and says. "I guess your not feeling so sassy right now are you?" No sir, I am not feeling sassy at all. I am only feeling as though my bottom is on fire and I need you to stop. Those thoughts were in my head. I only said.. "No sir, I am not. I am sorry" and I started to cry. A few more spanks to complete his point and he was finished. Sir then said... To bed. You are tired and you need to get some rest. I went to my side of the bed and as I went to sit down, the cool crisp cotton sheets felt rough against my now very sore bottom. I actually moaned a bit that I was tender. Sir looked at me and said.. "Good. I want you thinking about this for a very long time." Perhaps now you will listen to what I am telling you right?" Right, I said.  I would certainly hope to remember this night for a very long time to come.
So some of you may ask what is the point of this entire post? Well I am not sure really except to say.. never underestimate your HOH. Just about the time you think they "don't get it" believe you me, most likely they really do. So be careful what you wish for.... your wishes may come true.
                                                                    

Confession

 I hope all of you had a wonderful Easter weekend with Family and friends or whatever you chose to do on this blessed holiday. I am not really sure what exactly happened in our neck of the woods but it wasn't good. I had been looking forward to attending Easter services which has been a rare event in past years with hubby's line of work. We had a great week leading up to Easter but sometime Saturday night hubby said something to me that set me on fire. I mean I was angry and upset so much so that I just stopped talking to him. We went to bed late and I stewed about what had happened as I faced away from him in bed and he of course oblivious to how mad I really was, was already peacefully sleeping away. Sunday morning came and he awakened me early to attend the early morning service. I got up still not very communicative and showered and got ready. We arrived for Easter services on time.

I mean Easter is a day to celebrate Jesus's resurrection after enduring more pain and suffering than any other human being should ever have to endure. It is a time for us to reflect on what he did for us so that we would have everlasting life. I could not get my head or my heart to focus on this joyous
time of celebration. I went through the motions but that was about it. I was sad that I failed my God and that the reason was so stupid.. I was angry at something hubby said and I couldn't or wouldn't let it go. I couldn't find my joy in the day and I knew that my behavior was wrong and yet I was like a run away train on a track headed for trouble. Yes, I know, I should be ashamed. And while I prayed to God for his forgiveness, I still was not in any mood to take the steps to just put behind me my anger.

Then this happened. Late Sunday night, we both decided we were tired and went to bed early, only to be awakened with hubby being very, very sick. Now you should know he is rarely sick but when he is, he really is. He is not like most other men we read about. He is not a whiner, or a complainer. He just gets very quiet and just wants to sleep. Without all the graphic details,he had the worst GI bug I have ever seen and he had to humble himself to allow me to clean up after him several times over the past 48-72 hours. He kept apologizing and I kept saying don't worry, it happens and I can handle this. Let me take care of you. His stomach pain was increasing instead of decreasing to the point that I really felt like he might have something much more serious going on than a GI bug. He even missed work for 2 days and my son and I and our staff ran our business without him there. He never misses work either.

Sometime over the past several days, I realized that I simply stepped in to take care of him even though when we went to bed that Sunday night I was angry and still holding a grudge about something that was said. Then I realized that I could no longer even remember what he had said or done that had me so angry that I let it ruin my Easter and our day. Must not really have been that important if I couldn't remember the issue right? What I do know is the sicker he became the more worried I became. I felt lost and helpless. My mind started spinning. What if something bad is happening? What if something goes terribly wrong and I lose him.? Whatever had happened that made me so angry was not worth the time I spent distancing myself for a day, when at some point in time I might find myself without him for a lifetime.

And then it happened. My eyes started to fill with hot tears. I tried to hold them back. I was ashamed and embarrassed of my attitude and my thoughts over the past several days. Have I not learned anything from TTWD? Apparently not what I need to have learned. The more I thought about my behavior, the more my heart began to hurt. I cried for sometime. Hurt, frustrated and alone with my thoughts. I have a lot of work to do here ladies. I can say the things I want to do and see changes, but in the heat of the moment, I am unable to submit and follow his lead. I fail time and time again.

Then I thought about our vows spoken so many years ago. The ones to love each other in sickness and in health. Well I certainly love my man right now even during this illness. I have had to do a lot of unpleasant things  but have willingly done so because  I want him to feel better and be better. The above photo reminded me of a similar one I posted not long ago, about his expectations for me to be obedient to him because I willingly will do so from my heart. Many things we do come from our hearts and we have a choice whether we freely give of ourselves from our hearts.

I am pleased to share that hubby is finally on the road to recovery and more like himself today. So much so that he pulled out the paddle this morning and said... "too much time has passed and I am certain you are in need of this." Well....yes I am. Not now I said. You are still recovering and I want you well. Inside my heart and my mind... I was thinking. Yes, I not only need but deserve to be over your lap for the ugly thoughts I had earlier in the week, for distancing myself because  I was too angry to speak about the issue I was upset with so we could put it behind us. I let the ""problem" become my focus and not the person I am in love with. Yes ladies... I have a very long way to go yet
on this journey. For now, I am thankful that Sir is recovering, and that I still have a God that I know has forgiven me for my lack of joy on Easter Sunday. I hope that Sir and I will soon get back on the same page with each other and more importantly that this stubborn temper and pride of mine will soften with time and we can continue to move closer together.