Peace and Happy Easter

Ahhhh... Spring is officially finally here. I love this time of the year when we see the first signs of new growth in the garden, flower beds and the trees. The skies are blue, the sun is out and the air is fresh. It's a new season.

The same is true in our home right now. It is a new season for us as we move forward on our TTWD
journey. I found the above picture and felt like it really spoke to me and where we are today. Certainly with my most recent lifestyle changes this has helped to decrease my overall stress levels and I am truly at peace and the happiest I have been in so many months. Sir has his way of keeping me in check and is doing so with great regularity these days. I am finding a "soft" side to me that has been buried deep down for a long time. Allowing that side to come out I have found, has also allowed me to find my submissive side that I was certain did not exist. This makes me happy and makes Sir pleased and happy as well.

Sir has always said that he expects my obedience to be freely given. I am finding it much easier to do so when I open my heart and give willingly. Now I am not saying I am perfect by any means and certainly there are those moments when my feisty, sassy, hot tempered self comes to the surface.
I need only to remember who holds this in their possession.

Yep, Sir found our riding crop in the closet this morning. Sir knows how to use this to his advantage to get a message across and while it has been some time since this has been used, I have not forgotten previous messages that were delivered using this implement. One definitely and very quickly will come to see Sir's perspective. And  so... I continue to practice saying Yes, Sir as my way of remembering to be respectful in my responses whether I agree or not. Hopefully I can keep up the good streak I have had lately, because Sir has assured me the next discussion we have, the riding crop will also be a part of. Ummm no I would really rather not. Wish me luck. I have no doubt he will keep up his end of the discussion.

So with those thoughts, I will end with something soft and pretty. Wishing all of you and your families a blessed Easter weekend, and the joys and peace of the new Spring season.

To Talk or not to Talk, That is the question.

So here in our little neck of the woods, the burning question remains... Do I have "the talk" or do I "listen" and watch for the ques that Sir is definitely giving me. So as not to keep everyone here in suspense... no we have not yet held "the talk" that I thought would have occurred last weekend.

So this is how it has played out in my mind as I anxiously await the right time if there ever is really a right time. The above picture is us only most likely Sir is watching one of his favorite shows and I am sitting by also watching but also thinking.

Do we try to do it like this?

Or in my perfect world.. the set up would look more like this, but yet I recall hearing sometimes having "the talk" goes better when driving and all eyes are looking ahead. For us though, we don't get to travel very much due to our business and so I need to find a "block" of time that doesn't interfere with our routine and doesn't seem staged if you will.

And so.. we are still in a holding pattern waiting for the right time to hold "the talk"

After this past weekend, I am truly wondering if we "need" to talk as Sir has had his own entire agenda. I will tell you a quick story here. So we have all been to the Bed, Bath, & Beyond store.
Probably most of us have wandered through these kinds of stores and have thought about normal household items that could very easily become an implement of choice for our HOH. But do any of us think that the same may be true for our HOH? That they actually think these same thoughts? Well think no more. As I was pondering the selection of a new set of egyptian cotton sheets that we were there for, Sir was no where to be found. We finally found each other and selected our sheets. Sir then says.. you will never guess what I have found here that is most certainly needed in our home.
What I innocently asked? He gave a very accurate description of what sounded to be like a "paddle" aka "cutting board. And please note below the EXACT image of what he showed me.

Yes ladies.. This is what Sir found that intrigued him so much that he actually tried it out, made sure it fit his hand, felt nice and sold and I wouldn't be surprised if he swung it a time or two!! My heart just dropped. We do have a paddle that I accidentally found at work one day and it is not a favorite.

This is a picture of that cutting board and I can tell you ladies that it does not take much persuasion on Sir's part with this in his hand to quiet this lady down.
Sir then went on to give a very accurate description of how the new implement would nicely cover both cheeks of my bottom real well thereby delivering a completed message. He felt it would turn my bottom a very nice  shade of red and most likely would leave me thinking about his message for at least a few hours if not for a day or two. Gulp... Wow. All of this is being explained to me as we are heading for the check out counter for the sheets, minus his new found implement. I didn't ask any questions but it was as if he could read my mind. "Don't worry little lady.. I am capable of making my way back to this store anytime and picking up that nice little cutting board, so don't think for one moment I won't do so." Hey what does one say to that? I kept quiet for sure for most of that day.
Does this sound like to you that we really need to hold "the talk" I am thinking not so much so.

Now what in the world does the above military emblem have to do with what happened this morning one would ask? Well let me tell you all. We were scheduled to participate in a military event with our local Air Force Base today. After we showered and were preparing to dress, Sir patted the bed and said these dreaded words.. go bring me your decorated yard stick and bend over the bed. I hesitated in my mind because heck, I had just showered, we are on a time schedule and I just want to get dressed and get going. Wrong. Sir says.." I am not asking you, I am telling you to get your yard stick and bend over this bed right now. He clearly was not playing around. This was a new experience for me.
I did as I was told. Over his lap and on the bed, Sir placed the yard stick on my bottom and began to talk. This is new for him. He reminded me of the importance of today, that he was in charge and the leader and I was to follow his lead without any question, no sass no back talk or any other mischievous behavior my mind could come up with. He expected me to be the professional and competent woman he knows I can be did I understand? Yes, you bet I understand. With a yard stick laying across my bare bottom, all messages were being received loud and clear. And with that he spanked firmly and with certainty. After about 6-7 swats in, I could distinctly feel his arm in the small of my back so that I could not get up. He kept spanking and talking about his expectations. I didn't cry, I was shocked that this had happened just the way I had always imagined that it would. I was absolutely crystal clear on his expectations for the day. Every time I sat down today,I was reminded of his message. The event went off great and we had a wonderful time. We got to our own business just in time to open up when out of the blue..Sir says.. did you have a good time? Yes I did I replied.
Did the message I delivered to you this morning help you to remember what I expected?  Oh it most definitely did Sir. Good he said. Don't ever forget I have the ability to deliver a message to you anytime, anywhere by any method I so choose. Are we both clear here? We are both clear here.

And so as this day closes, this is how I see us.We may not look like others, our relationship may not look like others, but then it shouldn't. We are who we are, and we have always done what works best for us whether we have had "the talk" or not. Now I am not saying that we shouldn't still have a conversation about TTWD. I have been searching for answers that have been in front of me the entire time. While Sir says he does not do disciplinary spankings, that man definitely knows how to deliver a message that is never forgotten. He is definitely a dominant take charge kind of guy. It has been my failure to "lean in" and lack of willingness to "listen up" that has caused most of our issues. I think an important milestone has occurred on our journey today and I feel that we are in a good place to continue moving forward in a manner that works for us both.

March Answers...

Thanks to those of you who asked some great questions. I will try to provide some answers, so here we go.

Meredith asks me a similar question I asked her...What do you do when your Sir says he is spanking and you do not want a spanking?

Well I wish I could say I was always a willing participant. Certainly if it is a GG spanking or what we call Stress relief spanking, there is no issue there. Everyone likes a GG spanking right? And Stress relief spankings while I might hesitate for a nano second, I know that he knows they are just what I need. Discipline on the other hand... well we are just now exploring these. Sir has always said that he does not spank for this reason as he expects me to willingly do as I am told. I can share there have been a handful of times though that he has spanked and while the spanking was not "announced as such," My mind, my heart, and my bottom most certainly could tell there was a message he was delivering. During those times, I have hesitated in the moment but eventually did as I was told because I believe in this life style. I am stubborn, so sadly I get rather sassy and mouthy which only makes things more difficult for the two of us during those times. Clearly Sir has a way of getting his message across as I can recall each of those times with absolute clarity and never repeated any of those poor decisions again. I will add, that in those moments I would find myself angry at him and myself. Once the spanking was done, and Sir had made his point, and I had time to reflect, it was me that was angry with myself, hurt, and disappointed that I had not done what was originally asked of me. Thanks Meredith for the question.

Jan askes: Does your husband use any discipline other than spanking, If so what? 

Also a good question Jan. No,at this time there are no other forms of discipline used. As we are looking at our situation though with the whole discipline aspect, I will be asking Sir if he has ever given thought to other options and if so what would they be? I will report out on this in another post. For me, because things can escalate so quickly, I would find being sent to a "quiet area" without any distractions and being told to "reflect" upon my behavior would be effective. I am an emotional thinker and once I get past the anger, and don't have the ability to remain defiant or sassy, my heart usually speaks to me and I am then more open to hearing Sir's side of the situation. Thanks Jan. 

Ella askes: What drew you to domestic disicpline? 

Well this question Ella could probably turn into a separate post all by itself. I 'll try to give a shorter version here. Sir and I have been together for 40+ years and even prior to being married, Sir would spank for behaviors less than pleasing. I found that side of him to be rather "hot" and it  also in some ways made me feel safe. Fast forward 30 + years and  I kept wondering why I was so attracted to "spankings" in general and low and behold.. googling on the internet led me to DD information that literally blew my mind away. As most of you know there is a whole host of information out there that can be over whelming. I really felt there was some validity to what I was reading on some sites and so I cautiously brought this up to Sir. We have never held the "official" talk on this issue, as Sir feels that he has been doing what comes naturally to him all his life. I am a gal who has to have "exact" answers to the whys and wherefores of life. And so.. I read, I share with him and basically Sir has just stayed consistent.  Thanks Ella. 

Lindy askes: What's your favorite part of TTWD? Does Sir or myself have any fantasies? 

I think my favorite part of TTWD, is simply that it works for us. Whether it is GG spankings to spice things up, Stress relief spankings which I have given up questioning why I crave and need these, right down to the few times I have had a discipline spanking, I know that Sir understands my inter most needs and never hesitates to provide for my every need. He leads with strength and certainly and I feel safe knowing he loves me enough to not let me hurt myself or our relationship with behaviors that can be destructive. Fantasies? Oh Sir has many fantasies as I imagine most men do. He appreciates the oriental culture and has stated on more than one occasion that he would love to have an oriental women or two take care of his needs because he knows they tend to place their man's pleasures first always and without any back talk. ( I used to feel offended by this, but now I see his point and I also hear the message in his heart of what he truly expects from his woman) Fantasy for me? Well... a bit more hard to say.. I would just have to say that the whole entire Dominant/Submissive role would play out exactly as we all have often read about in the fictional books such as PK Corey's Cassie's books or Cara Bristol's books from the Rod and Cane Society. I actually can see myself in some of these situations and being made to submit to a spanking because of disobedience. I think that part is simply because by nature I am feisty, defiant, strong willed, sassy and just plain difficult. It definitely takes a strong man to tame this wild gal down to a manageable quiet lady. Thanks Lindy

Well that wraps it up for 2016 March Questions. Thanks to everyone who wrote it. I enjoyed this more than I thought because it gave me something to truly reflect upon on my journey. 

March Questions

So here we are already in March and it is once again time for the yearly opportunity for you to ask any questions you would like. I am a bit behind with this but am happy to join in the process.
I will answer any and all questions by the end of next week.
I hope everyone is having a great week. As for me.... still working on how I plan to speak with
Sir this weekend about TTWD. I will share with you at next weeks post how this goes for us.
Thanks to everyone for your support and comments.

Reflections

I have been doing a lot of self reflection over the past several weeks. One day things seem perfectly normal and clear, another day brings uncertainty and confusion. I am a "thinker" I want absolute clarity and understanding with everything that I do. I am finding out that with TTWD things are not always as they seem or as I have thought they should be. I have done what I know is not a good thing to do, in that I have started to question our own personal lifestyle after doing way too much reading on the internet, as well as some fictional books. Put that together with reading too many blogs and it's a wonder that I am confused. Now I am not blaming anyone except for myself for being in this state of mind. Fantasy vs real life scenarios are clearly two very different situations. One must be able to separate the two. Where is this leading you may ask? Well I will do my best to explain.

Sir and I have been together for 43 years and will be married 40 years this August. One would certainly think the lines of communication are wide open by now but not so much so where TTWD is concerned. Heck up until 2011, I didn't even know such a thing existed. Sir and I have always had some type of "spanking thing" going on since even prior to us being married. He spanked for his reasons and I just accepted it as this is the way things are although secretly inside I was so turned on by his dominance. Of course dominance is fine when it is convenient and when it is not, holy cow look out, this lady gets sassy and feisty and downright difficult to be around. And so many years went by with my behavior being out of control and certainly not pleasing for Sir. I knew what his expectations were but I continued to push the boundaries until he spanked. Then I got what I wanted or so I thought. Spanking without clear communication is just that.. spanking. For a person such as myself who thinks everything through, I have at times been confused. Why am I so turned on by this and if so,why do I keep pushing boundaries that makes my Sir not happy with me? Enter in.... internet googling. Boy did that land me in a mess with reading so much information that I thought I had hit the jack pot of all times. At last.... because the topic of spanking is actually on the internet and it was labeled as domestic discipline it must be truly an ok thing for people to pursue right? Ummmm not necessarily.

Thank goodness for friendships made here in blog land. If I had not been extended the friendship of one of our bloggers, things would definitely have taken a downward turn for me. This individual has been a life saver in more than one instance. She has helped me to understand that what I crave and need is not necessarily abnormal and that there are actually some good benefits to this lifestyle. She has allowed me to be me so I could ask those difficult questions that under any other circumstances would be so embarrassing to discuss. She is honest and open, she calls things as she see's them, and offers guidance in a way that allows me to continue to explore this journey I am on and find the answers and solutions to the issues that are challenging for me.

This week's lesson for me is... Communication. You see while Sir and I have been doing TTWD for many years now, have we actually sat down and had "the talk" about  what this lifestyle means to each one of us? No. No we have not. Sir, is not much of a talker where as I want to analyze and talk things over in great length so there is no misunderstanding. And so as the quote above states, we are in the same relationship, but I believe we most often see TTWD from very different perspectives hence my state of confusion. I won't really know that for sure unless... we have "the talk" So in the next few days ahead, I am doing my best to make some notes about why I really want this lifestyle for us, and not just the gg spankings we all love, or the increased connection that ramps up the sex life at this point, but because there is actually some meaning and purpose behind TTWD. I need to know he has me, he has us and that I have boundaries and consequences.  This is going to be difficult and I am truly petrified at trying to explain myself so that I do not sound needy about this part of our relationship.  I don't want this to appear as though it is a game or a passing moment in time. I truly believe I am ready to let go of my power and follow his leadership.

So this week, I am taking a step back, reflecting, and checking to see if we are in fact able to move forward in the right direction with  Accountability, Consequences, Love and Understanding . Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts and I am hopeful this time next week, I will have some positive news to share with regards to how our communication time went.

Yes, I know it has been a very long time since I have been here. It's as though I fell off the face of the earth with absolutely no warning. Truth is.. that's pretty much what happened. I struggled through the entire 2015 year with issues surrounding my work and my health. It was a very dark time for me. While my intentions were good to continue on with my blog, the sad fact is that so much just got in the way and before I knew it, it just seemed that things were so complicated that I couldn't resume my blogging.

I had many choices to make, many chances I needed to take and changes that were necessary. In a nut shell, my health really took a "hit" and my work situation was not making it any easier or better for me to be my best. I struggled all year long to face what would be the inevitable.

I would have a long road ahead of me that only I could walk and make the decisions that would be necessary for a lifestyle of changes. 

  So after a completely miserable year in 2015, January 2016 arrived and with it, my decision to retire from a career that I had held for 35 years. One that was passionate about and would miss with everything I am. It was in part what defined me or so I thought. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. Through all of this, Sir... was right beside me. He went through the worst of times with me and also helped to guide me all with out telling me what my choice should be. After looking at many other options to be able to continue working but hopefully decreasing my stress level it became quite apparent to Sir that "we would need to take a different direction." And with that, in one fell swoop he sent a text telling me to give my notice that day and that my career was done. We were going in another direction. How did I feel? I felt so many things it is hard to express. I do know,

I felt "relief" Sir made the decision for me that I had struggled with all year long. And while I certainly felt some sorrow, anxiety and a loss, I obeyed him without further discussion or question.

It's been a long road, but it has been so worth it. I ended my career the last day in January 2016. And I started a new part of my journey working side by side with Sir in our business. Giving up the power and control I once had has not been easy. My health has improved tremendously and I am happier than I have been in a very long time. Learning to work side by side with Sir, and being together 24//7 has certainly been an eye opener. I am not nearly as compliant as I should be. But he has a fix for that too. We have continued on our journey of TTWD. It is continually evolving. It is an essential part of who we are and how we will move forward.

Anyone recognize what the above picture really might be? Hummmmm. A familiar Home project center? Yep... Home Depot has these quite lovely and I might add conveniently located yardsticks at every checkout counter. One day.. Sir told me to go and purchase one and decorate it so it could be on display in our bedroom without anyone else really being able to guess it's true use. And so I did.
Sir was pleased. My rear end was not!!!! That simple yard stick in the hands of your HOH is probably not the best thing you could hope for. It does however serve as a great reminder to mind one's self of what is expected of them to avoid this at all costs!! Just thought I would show all of you I can be artistic!!

And so whenever the mood strikes for me to be Ms. Sassy Pants..... I need only to remember that acting in this manner, will get my pants lowered and this nicely decorated yardstick across my bare bottom. A pretty good deterrent wouldn't you agree? Well it's good to be back, hopefully I will have more time to explore TTWD and catch up with everyone. It's good to be back in blog land.