New Year 2017 !!

Well I realize I am 6 days late in getting started with my 2017 posts. It was a wild and crazy time the entire month of December and into New Year's Eve. I do want to start out saying Happy New Year to all of you and I wish all of you a healthy, happy and loving New Year.

I do not do resolutions as I am very poor at keeping them. I do want to set a goal for this year now that I actually have time to give attention to meeting any set goal I may have. I have been giving much thought as to what this goal will be as I want for it to have meaning and growth for me.

I have decided to do my best in following my husband's lead whether I am in agreement or not. That is going to be a very hard one to meet as I just can not seem to keep my thoughts to myself which very frequently leads to arguments. Apparently, what I am able to get from him is that this is a very
important issue for him. He truly expects me to do as I am asked without question. Now that doesn't mean that we can not discuss issues, but for the majority of the time, he really, really does not like it when I have to add my two cents in every conversation.

 So I have tried for over 4 years now to explain why I feel a domestic discipline relationship would benefit us. I think the problem is how my husband views this and how I think it should look along with the fact that I read too many books and I am wondering if I have a "fantasy" idea going on in my head about this whole DD situation. Perhaps this is why I at times do not feel he understands.
Most of you that have been following me know that we have had some kind of spanking going on in our home since we were dating in high school. Now married 40 + years it is still going on but not in the manner that I am craving or feel it should be. You also know that hubby is not much of a talker, or if he does, he is limited in his explanations as he feels there is not much to discuss really, he just does what he does when he feels it is necessary which in some cases can lead me to believe he is playing a game for kicks and grins and not for the objective of improving our relationship.
I sent him a "brief" email from me trying to once again spell things out and asked for him to take the lead here, he has yet to acknowledge he has read it, but I know he probably has. So what's a gal to do at this point? I am not unhappy, I am feeling lost and left out from what I think should be going on.

Ok. So hubby acts like he knows his role just fine, and really doesn't care to discuss it. I am certain I
need help in knowing and understanding my role and being held accountable but I can't seem to get him to see it in this same way. I have asked for his help, but I don't see that he really follows through with correcting behaviors and issues he really doesn't like and would benefit us both if these things were corrected. I think I am just about done trying to explain it to him as it seems like I am pushing him away each time I bring things up for discussion.

Ok. So he is suppose to be the HOH right? In most cases I would say he is and for that I am grateful. Of course there are times when I want to argue issues and have my way. I don't usually win those arguments but we are both miserable and just shut down and this could be resolved following a true DD relationship I believe.

I wish we could just sit down and talk this out, but the fact is.. hubby just isn't the talking kind.
I want to clearly know his expectations and be held accountable so that I can be the woman he really wants me to be. Things have gotten to the point where this is what I think about a good portion of my day and sometimes it makes me sad that we can't just simply sit down and talk this over and make a plan to move ahead in some kind of official  manner. Then again, sometimes actions speak louder than words and maybe that is the approach that is needed but I am doubtful I will get there on my own or after 40+ years I would already be there right? So.....  am not sure where we are headed at this time. I do know I am feeling frustrated with what my perception of what I want and expect and what is really happening in our home. I would welcome any words of wisdom to help me get a handle on how I am feeling and or how to better approach my husband so the lines of communication can be
opened up and we can move ahead. I hope that it is not a lost cause at this time. I look forward to any and all feedback.